Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast #019 from the book, “101 Conversations Every Couple should have before they Marry.” This podcast explores how you will individually and together approach decisions related to religion and spiritual matters.

Conversations of the Week - What do you think is the biggest threats you bring to your marriage, and what are you willing to do about it?

This question takes the topic from last week about the threats to your marriage, and it makes it personal.  

Why is it important?

This gives you an opportunity to identify your SWOTs.  What are your Strengths, Weaknesses Opportunities and Threats?Once you know what they are you can deal with them.

It also creates a heightened sense of self awareness.  This allows you to focus only on your SWOTS.

What do we need to consider when we have this conversation?

• We bring things to the marriage that are good and bad

• We can’t fix what we won’t acknowledge

• We gain confidence in our marriage.  

• Your marriage that “the team” is going to face these challenges  head up! 

• We all need grace for the things we struggle with.  We can ask each other for assistance.

• The intentionality of dealing with something you know you struggle with is important.

The willingness to be vulnerable with your threats also creates a greater sense of intimacy.  Being a safe person for your partner to share their weaknesses will create deeper bonds.  

Once you make this investment in each other and look at the threats, you really build a deeper commitment to your relationship.  

Listener Question of the Week - Why can’t he just let me vent?

Sometimes we bring up conversations just to be heard.  We don’t want it to be fixed, and we don’t expect anything to be done about it.  The process of verbalizing the issue is therapeutic in itself.  

When venting starts, a guys should ask “do you want me to fix it or do you want to vent?”.  Once the answer is “just vent”, turn your “fix it” button off and just listen and be supportive.  

Determining whether you are there to fix it or just to listen and support will save both of you frustration.  

Fun Question of the Week - What’s your favorite part of Summer?

Christie likes the outdoor activities in the sun.

Jim loves the July 4th holiday and all the activities that go along with it.

We hope this is a great conversation and you spend the time to really understand your partner’s beliefs and attitudes.

Have a great week gang!

Jim & Christie

Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast with Jim & Christie Jacobus! Except it is Jim flying solo this week because Christie is sick and while her raspy voice is sexy as heck around the house we don’t think it will sound very good on the podcast! 

Our Conversation of the Week for this episode is– What do you think are the three biggest threats to the two of you having an extraordinary marriage? And why? What can you do now to keep the threats from becoming a reality?

• What a great conversation this one is! We love it because;
• It is part of a SWOT analysis!
• It will cause us to think about and become aware of the things each of us think might be a threat to our marriage down the road.
• ·         We can create some plans to be proactive about how to prevent the threat from becoming a reality!
• ·      It gives us an opportunity to give a voice to some of the fears we might have going into marriage!

Some of the most common threats we see that you might check in on would be;

• ·      Inability to effectively communicate
• ·      Inability to effectively resolve conflict
• ·      A poor picture from the start of what a healthy marriage looks like
• ·      Immaturity
• ·      Coming into the marriage with past wounds and hurts that haven’t been resolved

So, take about 30 minutes this week gang and individually list out the three threats you feel might threaten your having a vibrant, healthy marriage that will last a lifetime!

Our Listener Question of the Week – Jim … my fiancé wants me to get all involved in the A to Z  of planning the wedding. I would prefer to just show up at the appointed time and let her have the wedding she wants. What do you think?

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Fun question of the week – what is the biggest trick or surprise you have pulled on each other?

Have a great week gang!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

  Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast #017 from the book, “101 Conversations Every Couple should have before they Marry.” This podcast explores how you will individually and together approach decisions related to religion and spiritual matters.

Conversation of the week – Do you see yourselves, as a couple, attending some form of church or worship? If so, where do you see yourselves going? 

This is an important conversation because it addresses core values and beliefs but also can be very difficult to discuss if there is a great difference in what is important.  For some people this decision concerning church attendance can be a “ deal breaker”

Several things to consider:

• Remain respectful to your differences
• Understand the importance of spiritual health
• Explore what feeds your soul—the beauty of nature, music, feelings of love and connection

The topic of religion can be very difficult especially if there are significant differences in your beliefs.  Be willing to ask for what you want or need because it is foundational to discussions about a multitude of topics.  This subject is crucial to the long term health of your relationship and starting on the same page is also gained in this conversation. 

Listener Question of the Week–my fiancé is very controlling and it is getting a little scary. My hope is this is going to go away after we marry and they see I am in this for the long haul. Is that reasonable for me to expect?

Fun Question of the Week  What is the one thing you are really proud of and why?

We hope this is a great conversation and you spend the time to really understand your partner’s beliefs and attitudes.

Have a great week gang!

Jim & Christie

Welcome to podcast #016 from our book 101 Conversations Every Couple Should Have Before They Get Married.  These podcasts are designed for engaged couples as well as those who are seriously dating.

This week’s conversation is, “Describe the legacy you would like your marriage to leave—what are the 3 most important values you want your marriage to reflect”

This conversation is a core value discussion and helps us discuss our marital expectations and deals with ... 

Attitudes and beliefs that we hold that often are hard to identify and discuss.

Provides clarity and direction

Helps us invest in the future

Creates accountability as an individual and as a couple.

This conversation reminds us of Steven Covey’s habit, “Begin with the end in mind”! If we do this we can expect an ability to focus on the bigger picture and have clarity about our direction and purpose

Our Listener Question of the Week-  We have made some serious mistakes in our relationship and we want to move on past some of the hurts we caused each other.  What is the best way to move past the mistakes of the past?

Our Fun Question of the Week?  Name one of your favorite child hood memories?

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Thank you for joining us for this podcast!

Jim & Christie Jacobus