5 Ways to Make a Great Marriage--#028

Welcome!  Our topic today came from a discussion we had on a car trip recently as we returned from visiting family.  We began talking about what it takes to make a great marriage, and then we made a list and condensed it down to five basic tips.  Again, sometimes it’s difficult to have these conversations, but the results are worth the work.  Join us!

1. Have shared vision and goals.  Of course, there is room for individuality in a marriage, but there should be things you want to accomplish as a team.  Ask the following questions:  Where do you want to be five years from now?  Are we on the same path?  Do we want the same things?
2. Make your marriage a priority.  This is THE most important relationship in your life, so spend time together.  “Happy Marriage=Happy Life”
3. Develop a high level of trust in each other.  Have transparency and openness, and share fears and concerns.  BE a trustworthy person.
4. Commit to constant learning and growth.  Learn about your spouse, about marriage, about life in general.  Dedicate yourself to personal growth and couple growth.
5. Have faith in something bigger than yourself.  Shared faith as a couple is important.  For us, this is faith in Jesus Christ, but it may vary for others.  If your faith is shared, you can attend church together and live by the same principles.  Statistics show a HUGE decrease in the divorce rate in the US for couples with shared faith.

Now it’s homework time!  Your assignment is to look at the five things and rate yourself from 1-5.  As a couple, then pick one thing to work on and improve.  You won’t regret any time you put into improving your relationship.  Give it a try!

Listener Question of the Week:  My future spouse does not like my friends.  What do I need to do about it?

Welcome to another show about SEX!  Last week’s show dealt with thoughts and attitudes stemming from the past; this week’s focus is on the future.  Yes, this is another difficult conversation to have, and it requires openness and transparency.  Learning to talk about sex with your spouse in a direct and positive manner is crucial for your relationship!

Here is the question:  What are your thoughts and desires for sex in your marriage, and what hesitations and reservations about sex do you have?

Consider the following in your discussion:

• Both partners have different backgrounds and experiences.  (We discussed this aspect on last week’s show.)
• Sex is an instinctual, biological act, but one that symbolizes love and commitment.
• Sex is good for your physical and emotional health.
• Learn to speak your partner’s language regarding sex.
• Having this discussion requires humility and an “I don’t know it all” attitude.
• Sex is a gift to be enjoyed in marriage.

“Women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved.”

So, what can you expect to gain from this conversation?  You can expect open communication, great sex, and a deep emotional and physical relationship. Aren’t those things we all desire within our marriages?  Join us for the conversation!

Listener Question of the Week:  How do you bring up a difficult question and make it a productive conversation?

Welcome to the show!  Our topic for the last two weeks has been MONEY; now we are moving on to a new topic---SEX.  Do we have your attention?  Join us for the conversation!

We urge you to HAVE the difficult conversation to improve your relationship.  We all know that sex and intimacy are huge issues in marriage, and that culture and past experiences are monumental in determining our attitudes about this topic.

Here’s the question to spark your conversation:  What beliefs and events from your past have most influenced your sexual behaviors and attitudes?

Each partner should write down what they believe and value about sex, then share and discuss.  If you take the time to get to the heart of what you think and believe, then you will have a full picture of your experience and values about sex and intimacy.  Your relationship will improve and you won’t regret the time invested in the discussion.  Join us for more!

Listener Question of the Week: How much should I disclose about previous relationships with my future spouse?

Hey, Gang!  Welcome to Part 2 of our MONEY episode.  In last week’s show, we discussed the “How To’s” of money management in marriage; think of it as the logical aspect of money.  This week, we are discussing the beliefs and values you have about money; this is the harder conversation to have because it’s more about the emotional connection we have to money.

Use the following questions with your spouse to direct your conversation about money:

• How would you finish the statement, “Money is . . .”?
• What does having enough money mean to you?
• What would you do with an abundance of money?
• What does money represent to you (emotionally)?  Is it status, success, security, power, etc.?
• How did you view money as you grew up?

Listener Question of the Week:  I work hard for my money, and I do not want my fiance to tell me how to spend it.  How do I handle this problem?

Fun Question of the Week:  What gifts do you like to receive from me?

Welcome to another episode!  Our topic today is a tough one that MUST be addressed early on in a marriage (and even before marriage)-----MONEY!  Today’s episode will be Part 1 about the “How To’s” of confronting this issue.  Part 2 will focus more on Beliefs/Attitudes about money and spending.

Your assignment is to LIST THREE GOALS RELATED TO HOW YOU WILL MANAGE MONEY THAT SHOULD BE COMMUNICATED BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED.

There are two main issues to consider:

• LOGISTICS—Ask and discuss:  How will we manage money?  Who will pay the bills?  Will we have joint accounts, investments, savings, etc?
• BUDGET---This is a written plan for your money and basically a division of assets and liabilities.  An easy way to begin is to write down for one month where every dollar goes.  Saving each receipt is another way to track spending.

Make the following questions part of your conversation:

• What are your skills/knowledge concerning money?
• What gaps are identified in your experience with managing money?
• What are your goals for spending money as you move forward?
• What do YOU need to improve upon in managing money?

Identifying strengths and weaknesses in regards to financial resources can help us look at strengths and weaknesses in other areas as well.  This area of money can cause tremendous stress, so have the conversation NOW to prevent more problems LATER!  Thanks for joining us today!

LISTENER QUESTION OF THE WEEK:  We both are not good at handling money, and we need to make some drastic changes to the way we spend money.  What is the best way to NOT live paycheck to paycheck?

FUN QUESTION OF THE WEEK:  What is your favorite store?