Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast #019 from the book, “101 Conversations Every Couple should have before they Marry.” This podcast explores how you will individually and together approach decisions related to religion and spiritual matters.

Conversations of the Week - What do you think is the biggest threats you bring to your marriage, and what are you willing to do about it?

This question takes the topic from last week about the threats to your marriage, and it makes it personal.  

Why is it important?

This gives you an opportunity to identify your SWOTs.  What are your Strengths, Weaknesses Opportunities and Threats?Once you know what they are you can deal with them.

It also creates a heightened sense of self awareness.  This allows you to focus only on your SWOTS.

What do we need to consider when we have this conversation?

• We bring things to the marriage that are good and bad

• We can’t fix what we won’t acknowledge

• We gain confidence in our marriage.  

• Your marriage that “the team” is going to face these challenges  head up! 

• We all need grace for the things we struggle with.  We can ask each other for assistance.

• The intentionality of dealing with something you know you struggle with is important.

The willingness to be vulnerable with your threats also creates a greater sense of intimacy.  Being a safe person for your partner to share their weaknesses will create deeper bonds.  

Once you make this investment in each other and look at the threats, you really build a deeper commitment to your relationship.  

Listener Question of the Week - Why can’t he just let me vent?

Sometimes we bring up conversations just to be heard.  We don’t want it to be fixed, and we don’t expect anything to be done about it.  The process of verbalizing the issue is therapeutic in itself.  

When venting starts, a guys should ask “do you want me to fix it or do you want to vent?”.  Once the answer is “just vent”, turn your “fix it” button off and just listen and be supportive.  

Determining whether you are there to fix it or just to listen and support will save both of you frustration.  

Fun Question of the Week - What’s your favorite part of Summer?

Christie likes the outdoor activities in the sun.

Jim loves the July 4th holiday and all the activities that go along with it.

We hope this is a great conversation and you spend the time to really understand your partner’s beliefs and attitudes.

Have a great week gang!

Jim & Christie

Welcome!  Today’s episode is about Holidays.  Where will you spend them?  Have you and your spouse had this important conversation?  This topic involves the expectations you have of your marriage and ties to family beliefs and traditions.  There are several variables to consider:  stepfamilies, geographic location, travel, and children.  This topic is best addressed before marriage and is certainly one that requires couples to work together.  

Consider the following about your holiday plans:

• Assess what the different holidays and traditions mean to each of you.
• Try to begin new traditions with your partner.  Remember that your marriage relationship comes before any other family ties.
• Once you make decisions, “have each other’s backs” and don’t blame the other partner.
• Negotiate “win-win” situations for both of you.
• “Rate the debate” based on how important each element is to you: 1^st choice, 2^nd choice, and 3^rd choice.
• Establish communication and exercise your problem-solving skills.
• This is NOT the time to be selfish and demanding!

What can you expect if you handle this conversation well?  

• You achieve teamwork and unity with your spouse in the eyes of friends and family.
• You may end up enjoying the family traditions and the bonding opportunities with your spouse’s family.

Listener Question of the Week:  I am really frustrated.  My fiancé and I have been together for several years and have been through many birthdays and holidays.  He likes to give practical gifts, and I like fun, crazy gifts.  What are your recommendations as to what to do?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is your idea of a great gift?

This week's episode is a #TBT where we take a look at one of our more popular episodes  about handling conflict and how you should work to resolve it in your relationship.

Welcome!  Today we’re tackling a tough conversation: Money.  Stay with us to learn more!

**What are three things you like to spend money on and three things you think are a waste of money?

• Each partner should create their own list separately, and then share together and compare answers.
• Learn how to deal with this subject together.
• Attend a Dave Ramsey workshop on managing finances.
• Express your needs, wants, and desires and listen to your partner’s needs, wants, and desires.
• This is an opportunity to learn from each other, but don’t use it to judge each other.
• Hear and understand the other person’s point of view.
• Examine your own thoughts about the topic before you share with your partner.
• Analyze habits of spending, saving, and giving.

Listener Question of the Week:  You are always talking about Dave Ramsey’s course.  What are the things you like best about it?

Fun Question of the Week:  If money were no object, what would you be doing right now?

**New Prepare to Last marriage classes are starting up.  Visit www.riverpoint.org for more information.

Welcome!  I’m doing the podcast solo today, as Christie is a little under the weather.  Consider the following quote:  “We should all be a little bit embarrassed about who we were five years ago.”  What I mean by that is that we should never stop growing, developing, and transforming ourselves.  This thought fits into our discussion topic for today, which is primarily aimed at the men, but also can be a guideline for women as they seek a life partner.

**Three Things every man needs to pursue to be a great spouse or partner:

1. The BEST version of yourself that you can be
2. 1. Keep growing and getting better.
   2. Be aware of strengths and challenges.
   3. Become growth-focused instead of problem-focused.
   4. “Learning means living.”  You should be learning and growing until your dying breath!
3. Someone who is “other-focused”
4. Unconditional Love for your partner

--Covenant Love says, “I will love you no matter what.”  Contract Love says, “I will love you IF . . .”

Listener Question of the Week:  I have some guy friends that like to go out together from time to time, and she doesn’t like it.  What do you think?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is the one thing you love most about Christie?