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Your Marriage Matters

Hey gang! Welcome to Your Marriage Matters with Team Jacobus This podcast is dedicated to couples that want to get the most out of this crazy thing we call marriage! Each episode is designed to guide us in a fun and exciting way through the skills, strategies, tactics and mindset we need to build a compelling life together! Our goal is for all of us to create the vibrant and healthy marriages we all dreamed of when we said “I do”. Welcome to Your Marriage Matters with Jim and Christie Jacobus!
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"We Are Dedicated To Building Vibrant Healthy Marriages!"

Jul 23, 2015

Welcome to another show about SEX!  Last week’s show dealt with thoughts and attitudes stemming from the past; this week’s focus is on the future.  Yes, this is another difficult conversation to have, and it requires openness and transparency.  Learning to talk about sex with your spouse in a direct and positive manner is crucial for your relationship!

Here is the question:  What are your thoughts and desires for sex in your marriage, and what hesitations and reservations about sex do you have?

Consider the following in your discussion:

  • Both partners have different backgrounds and experiences.  (We discussed this aspect on last week’s show.)
  • Sex is an instinctual, biological act, but one that symbolizes love and commitment.
  • Sex is good for your physical and emotional health.
  • Learn to speak your partner’s language regarding sex.
  • Having this discussion requires humility and an “I don’t know it all” attitude.
  • Sex is a gift to be enjoyed in marriage.

“Women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved.”

So, what can you expect to gain from this conversation?  You can expect open communication, great sex, and a deep emotional and physical relationship. Aren’t those things we all desire within our marriages?  Join us for the conversation!

 

Listener Question of the Week:  How do you bring up a difficult question and make it a productive conversation?

 

Jul 16, 2015

Welcome to the show!  Our topic for the last two weeks has been MONEY; now we are moving on to a new topic---SEX.  Do we have your attention?  Join us for the conversation!

We urge you to HAVE the difficult conversation to improve your relationship.  We all know that sex and intimacy are huge issues in marriage, and that culture and past experiences are monumental in determining our attitudes about this topic.

Here’s the question to spark your conversation:  What beliefs and events from your past have most influenced your sexual behaviors and attitudes?

Each partner should write down what they believe and value about sex, then share and discuss.  If you take the time to get to the heart of what you think and believe, then you will have a full picture of your experience and values about sex and intimacy.  Your relationship will improve and you won’t regret the time invested in the discussion.  Join us for more!

 

Listener Question of the Week: How much should I disclose about previous relationships with my future spouse?

Jul 9, 2015

Hey, Gang!  Welcome to Part 2 of our MONEY episode.  In last week’s show, we discussed the “How To’s” of money management in marriage; think of it as the logical aspect of money.  This week, we are discussing the beliefs and values you have about money; this is the harder conversation to have because it’s more about the emotional connection we have to money.

Use the following questions with your spouse to direct your conversation about money:

  • How would you finish the statement, “Money is . . .”?
  • What does having enough money mean to you?
  • What would you do with an abundance of money?
  • What does money represent to you (emotionally)?  Is it status, success, security, power, etc.?
  • How did you view money as you grew up?

 

Listener Question of the Week:  I work hard for my money, and I do not want my fiance to tell me how to spend it.  How do I handle this problem?

 

Fun Question of the Week:  What gifts do you like to receive from me?

 

 

Jul 2, 2015

Welcome to another episode!  Our topic today is a tough one that MUST be addressed early on in a marriage (and even before marriage)-----MONEY!  Today’s episode will be Part 1 about the “How To’s” of confronting this issue.  Part 2 will focus more on Beliefs/Attitudes about money and spending.

Your assignment is to LIST THREE GOALS RELATED TO HOW YOU WILL MANAGE MONEY THAT SHOULD BE COMMUNICATED BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED.

There are two main issues to consider:

  • LOGISTICS—Ask and discuss How will we manage money?  Who will pay the bills?  Will we have joint accounts, investments, savings, etc?
  • BUDGET---This is a written plan for your money and basically a division of assets and liabilities.  An easy way to begin is to write down for one month where every dollar goes.  Saving each receipt is another way to track spending.

Make the following questions part of your conversation:

  • What are your skills/knowledge concerning money?
  • What gaps are identified in your experience with managing money?
  • What are your goals for spending money as you move forward?
  • What do YOU need to improve upon in managing money?

Identifying strengths and weaknesses in regards to financial resources can help us look at strengths and weaknesses in other areas as well.  This area of money can cause tremendous stress, so have the conversation NOW to prevent more problems LATER!  Thanks for joining us today!

LISTENER QUESTION OF THE WEEK:  We both are not good at handling money, and we need to make some drastic changes to the way we spend money.  What is the best way to NOT live paycheck to paycheck?

 

FUN QUESTION OF THE WEEK:  What is your favorite store?

Jun 25, 2015
Welcome! Our topic today is
COMMUNICATION
. We all know that communication skills are
critical for a successful marriage, but these skill
s spill over into ALL areas of life.
Consider the following questions about communicatio
n:
Am I willing to be open, transparent, and vulnerablWelcome!  Our topic today is COMMUNICATION.  We all know that communication skills are critical for a successful marriage, but these skills spill over into ALL areas of life.  

Consider the following questions about communication:

  • Am I willing to be open, transparent, and vulnerable?
  • Am I willing to negotiate?
  • As a speaker, can I clearly ARTICULATE my point of view?
  • As a listener, can I FOCUS on what the other person is saying and give feedback to him/her?

Your assignment this week is to rate yourself and your spouse (gently!) from 1-10 on communication skills, both as a speaker and a listener.  Self-assessment is the way to identify your limitations and find a path to improvement!

Remember, COMMUNICATION IS A VITAL ISSUE THAT CAN BE THE #1 SOURCE OF PROBLEMS IN A MARRIAGE!  Join us for this important conversation!

LQOW:  Why does SHE want to know everything I’m thinking?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is your favorite quote?

e?
Am I willing to negotiate?
As a speaker, can I clearly ARTICULATE my point of
view?
As a listener, can I FOCUS on what the other person
is saying and give feedback
to him/her?
Your assignment this week is to rate yourself and y
our spouse (gently!) from 1-10 on
communication skills, both as a speaker and a liste
ner. Self-assessment is the way to identify
your limitations and find a path to improvement!
Remember,
COMMUNICATION IS A VITAL ISSUE THAT CAN BE THE #1 S
OURCE OF PROBLEMS
IN A MARRIAGE! Join us for this important conversa
tion!
LQOW: Why does SHE want to know everything I’m thin
king?
Fun Question of the Week: What is your favorite quo
te?

Jun 18, 2015

In this episode of Your Marriage Matters, Jim and Christie discuss family size.  It's an important discussion to have before you get married, so you can understand your spouse's expectations.

In the end, it's a big decision to make and how many children you have can affect every area of your life.  Jim and Christie discuss all the aspects in this episode!

Jun 11, 2015

Welcome to YOUR MARRIAGE MATTERS!  Our topic today is one that must be explored in every marriage; it’s the idea of CONFLICT RESOLUTION.  This topic cannot be dealt with merely on the surface level, but requires a deeper look at the issues and root causes.

What are the three biggest sources of conflict in your relationship?

To answer the question, ask yourself the following questions to begin the thought process:

  • What are the triggers (the “hot-button” topics) for conflict?
  • What is at the heart of the conflict?
  • What causes the conflict?
  • Are the issues related to priorities or people?
  • What is in the best interest of the marriage?

Your assignment is to write down the three sources of conflict and irritation you have identified and have your spouse do the same independently.  Then, compare what you have each written.

  Are you on the same page?  Often, couples experience CONFLICT in agreeing on what the sources of CONFLICT really are!  You must do the HARD WORK involved in resolving conflict, and the conflict cannot be resolved until it’s identified.  We each must be willing to look inside ourselves and be willing to change the only person I can change—ME!

Listener Question of the Week: 

 How do I bring up a difficult question and make it a productive conversation?

Fun Question of the Week:

 

What is your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?

 

Jun 4, 2015

Welcome to the YOUR MARRIAGE MATTERS podcast!  We have been teaching a class at church, and our question today comes out of that class.

What are three things that make you feel intentionally loved?

We want you to start this discussion with your spouse.  Write your ideas down and talk them over together.  You will see what the other person needs to feel loved.  Sometimes it may be the seemingly smallest gesture that means a big deal to your partner!  Remember that not all love is communicated through words.  This discussion will help you focus on what is important in the marriage and how your marriage can keep thriving throughout the years!

Sometimes one spouse may feel unlovable—like they don’t deserve love because of their past failures or insecurities.  This feeling can be a big barrier, and, of course, its sources need to be identified and addressed.  For our marriage to thrive, we each have to be good at GIVING and RECEIVING love!

Listener Question of the Week:  Are words ALWAYS the best form of communication?

 

Fun Question of the Week:  Other than immediate family, who has had a big impact on your life?

May 28, 2015

Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast #019 from the book, “101 Conversations Every Couple should have before they Marry.” This podcast explores how you will individually and together approach decisions related to religion and spiritual matters.

 

Conversations of the Week - What do you think is the biggest threats you bring to your marriage, and what are you willing to do about it?

 

This question takes the topic from last week about the threats to your marriage, and it makes it personal.  

 

Why is it important?

 

This gives you an opportunity to identify your SWOTs.  What are your Strengths, Weaknesses Opportunities and Threats?Once you know what they are you can deal with them.

 

It also creates a heightened sense of self awareness.  This allows you to focus only on your SWOTS.

 

What do we need to consider when we have this conversation?

  • We bring things to the marriage that are good and bad
  • We can’t fix what we won’t acknowledge
  • We gain confidence in our marriage.  
  • Your marriage that “the team” is going to face these challenges  head up! 
  • We all need grace for the things we struggle with.  We can ask each other for assistance.
  • The intentionality of dealing with something you know you struggle with is important.

The willingness to be vulnerable with your threats also creates a greater sense of intimacy.  Being a safe person for your partner to share their weaknesses will create deeper bonds.  

 

Once you make this investment in each other and look at the threats, you really build a deeper commitment to your relationship.  

 

Listener Question of the Week - Why can’t he just let me vent?

Sometimes we bring up conversations just to be heard.  We don’t want it to be fixed, and we don’t expect anything to be done about it.  The process of verbalizing the issue is therapeutic in itself.  

 

When venting starts, a guys should ask “do you want me to fix it or do you want to vent?”.  Once the answer is “just vent”, turn your “fix it” button off and just listen and be supportive.  

 

Determining whether you are there to fix it or just to listen and support will save both of you frustration.  

 

Fun Question of the Week - What’s your favorite part of Summer?

 

Christie likes the outdoor activities in the sun.

 

Jim loves the July 4th holiday and all the activities that go along with it.

 

 

We hope this is a great conversation and you spend the time to really understand your partner’s beliefs and attitudes.

 

Have a great week gang!

 

Jim & Christie

May 21, 2015

Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast with Jim & Christie Jacobus! Except it is Jim flying solo this week because Christie is sick and while her raspy voice is sexy as heck around the house we don’t think it will sound very good on the podcast! 

Our Conversation of the Week for this episode is– What do you think are the three biggest threats to the two of you having an extraordinary marriage? And why? What can you do now to keep the threats from becoming a reality?

  • What a great conversation this one is! We love it because;
  • It is part of a SWOT analysis!
  • It will cause us to think about and become aware of the things each of us think might be a threat to our marriage down the road.
  • ·         We can create some plans to be proactive about how to prevent the threat from becoming a reality!
  • ·      It gives us an opportunity to give a voice to some of the fears we might have going into marriage!

Some of the most common threats we see that you might check in on would be;

 

  • ·      Inability to effectively communicate
  • ·      Inability to effectively resolve conflict
  • ·      A poor picture from the start of what a healthy marriage looks like
  • ·      Immaturity
  • ·      Coming into the marriage with past wounds and hurts that haven’t been resolved

So, take about 30 minutes this week gang and individually list out the three threats you feel might threaten your having a vibrant, healthy marriage that will last a lifetime!

Our Listener Question of the Week – Jim … my fiancé wants me to get all involved in the A to Z  of planning the wedding. I would prefer to just show up at the appointed time and let her have the wedding she wants. What do you think?

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Fun question of the week – what is the biggest trick or surprise you have pulled on each other?

Have a great week gang!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

May 14, 2015

  Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast #017 from the book, “101 Conversations Every Couple should have before they Marry.” This podcast explores how you will individually and together approach decisions related to religion and spiritual matters.

Conversation of the weekDo you see yourselves, as a couple, attending some form of church or worship? If so, where do you see yourselves going? 

This is an important conversation because it addresses core values and beliefs but also can be very difficult to discuss if there is a great difference in what is important.  For some people this decision concerning church attendance can be a “ deal breaker”

Several things to consider:

  • Remain respectful to your differences
  • Understand the importance of spiritual health
  • Explore what feeds your soul—the beauty of nature, music, feelings of love and connection

The topic of religion can be very difficult especially if there are significant differences in your beliefs.  Be willing to ask for what you want or need because it is foundational to discussions about a multitude of topics.  This subject is crucial to the long term health of your relationship and starting on the same page is also gained in this conversation. 

Listener Question of the Week–my fiancé is very controlling and it is getting a little scary. My hope is this is going to go away after we marry and they see I am in this for the long haul. Is that reasonable for me to expect?

Fun Question of the Week  What is the one thing you are really proud of and why?

We hope this is a great conversation and you spend the time to really understand your partner’s beliefs and attitudes.

Have a great week gang!

Jim & Christie

May 7, 2015

Welcome to podcast #016 from our book 101 Conversations Every Couple Should Have Before They Get Married.  These podcasts are designed for engaged couples as well as those who are seriously dating.

This week’s conversation is, “Describe the legacy you would like your marriage to leave—what are the 3 most important values you want your marriage to reflect”

This conversation is a core value discussion and helps us discuss our marital expectations and deals with ... 

Attitudes and beliefs that we hold that often are hard to identify and discuss.

Provides clarity and direction

Helps us invest in the future

Creates accountability as an individual and as a couple.

This conversation reminds us of Steven Covey’s habit, “Begin with the end in mind”! If we do this we can expect an ability to focus on the bigger picture and have clarity about our direction and purpose

Our Listener Question of the Week-  We have made some serious mistakes in our relationship and we want to move on past some of the hurts we caused each other.  What is the best way to move past the mistakes of the past?

Our Fun Question of the Week?  Name one of your favorite child hood memories?

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Thank you for joining us for this podcast!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Apr 30, 2015

Your Marriage Matters Podcast #015

 

Creating A Vision For Your Wedding Day!

 

Hey gang ...  

Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters Podcast! Our Conversation of the Week is:

What are 3 things you envision when you think about your wedding day?

 

In this podcast we are reflecting upon a recent wedding Jim officiated and our experience with tons of premarried couples.  This is an important fundamental question about how you will, as a team, deal with each other's wants and needs.

This conversation is really important because it allows for a discussion about your hopes and dreams for your wedding day, even if you are only "seriously dating" and aren't really talking marriage just yet, as well as an experiment in collaboration and team work between you two as a couple. 

Remember that wedding planning can take a great deal of

  • discussion
  • decision making
  • deliberation on a wide variety of subjects
  • and dreaming about the future

It can also be a microcosm of how you make choices and collaborate.  You may want to involve others in the celebration and also many times it is advisable to delegate some of the tasks to a wedding planner.    

If we have this conversation now, we can intentionally plan for important decisions and learn together how we each problem solve. 

The engagement period can also help us to learn about how we each handle stress and deadlines. This time can be used to strengthen our vision as we look to the future. 

Our Listener Question of the Week—We are seeing our friends buying big houses when they first get married and that scares us.  What do you think?

So take the time to have a conversation about start to dream?

We hope you enjoy this podcast!

Jim & Christie

Apr 23, 2015

Welcome to podcast #014! Our podcasts are created for couples who are engaged or couples who are seriously contemplating marriage. The content comes from our book, “101 Great Conversations Every Couple Should Have Before They Get Married.” 

 

Your conversation of the week is ... 

“List 3 skills or characteristics that make you a good team member and how will they benefit your relationship”

This is an important conversation because individual skills are critical to any team and you each can identify what strengths you bring into the relationship.  Also you both can appreciate the diversity of your skills and learn from each other and lean on each other. 

It is important you each

·      Appreciate the differences you bring to the table

·      Know your strengths and weaknesses

·      Understand the importance of self management

·      Seek to enhance your relationship by improving each member of the team

Remember!!! You are both growing from two individuals into one team and in this process it is important you are able to communicate about the status of your team.

 

Some expectations from this conversation ... 

1) Perform a SWOT for your home team. In the same way organizations look at Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats, you can start to look at the status of your team.  This podcast has each person examine their individual strengths and how it will help the team.

 

2) Self-Awareness of what you bring to the team that will be valuable moving forward

 

3) Start to build the foundation for becoming more of a team and less about two individuals.

We hope you enjoy this week's conversation! 

 

Listener Question of the Week

How did you get to the point where you called yourselves, “Team Jacobus”

Apr 16, 2015

Your Marriage Matters - Dealing With The Inevitable Conflict! - YMM #013

Hey gang ...

Welcome to this week's episode of Your Marriage Matters for couples who are seriously dating or engaged to be married. We are dedicated to helping you build a healthy, vibrant relationship that will last a lifetime!

This week we are going to deal with the inevitable reality of conflict in our relationship! Trust us it is better to do it now rather than later. This week's conversation, from our 101 Conversations EVERY Couple Should Have Before They Get Married book, is as follows;

"What challenges or conflicts have you encountered in your relationship and how have you worked together to resolve them"?

In this podcast we are going to give you two really important reasons why this is an important conversation. And, we will give you a couple of real world techniques you can use to help you process differences in a positive and productive way.

When it is all said and done there is nothing wrong with having conflict. As a matter of fact we are really concerned when a couple says they don't fight or argue about anything! That is a big red flag!

The question becomes ... "are you fighting in your relationship or fighting for your relationship"? The first will kill your connection and the latter will make it stronger!

We hope you enjoy this week's episode!

Our Listener Question of the Week is - Do you believe you should never go to bed angry? If you have a "listener question" for us go to www.yourmarriage-matters.com/qif and post it in the comments section. We appreciate that and the tougher ... the better!

Have a great conversation this week gang ...

Jim & Christie

 

Apr 8, 2015

Hey gang!

Welcome to this episode of Your Marriage Matters podcast for couples that are engaged or seriously dating! Heck ... most of our stuff is pretty good if you have already tied the know to jump on in.

The subjects of our weekly conversations come right out of our soon to be published book - 101 Conversations EVERY Couple Needs To Have Before They Get Married! Each of them is designed just to get you talking and communicating with each other in a healthy way!

This week's conversation goes like this ...

1 2 3

What Are The Top 3 Things You Expect From Me?

  1. As a woman?
  2. As a wife?
  3. As a mom?

Now, if you are seriously dating and the subject of getting engaged or married hasn't come up just yet simply tweak the question to say What Are The Top 3 Things You Are Going To Expect From A ...?

There are a ton of reasons why this is such a great conversation to have to guys grab a notepad to write stuff down on and ask away! The answers will give you tons of insights as to what lies ahead!

Blessings!

Apr 2, 2015

Your Marriage Matters - What Are The Top 3 Things You Expect From Me? - YMM #011

Hey gang!

Welcome to this episode of Your Marriage Matters podcast for couples that are engaged or seriously dating! Heck ... most of our stuff is pretty good if you have already tied the know to jump on in.

The subjects of our weekly conversations come right out of our soon to be published book - 101 Conversations EVERY Couple Needs To have Before They Get Married! Each of them is designed just to get you talking and communicating with each other in a healthy way!

This week's conversation goes like this ... What Are The Top 3 Things You Expect From Me?

  1. As a man?
  2. As a husband?
  3. As a father?

Now, if you are seriously dating and the subject of getting engaged or married hasn't come up kust yet simply tweak the question to say What Are The Top 3 Things You Are Going To Expect From A ...?

There are a ton of reasons why this is such a great conversation to have to guys grab a notepad to write stuff down on and ask away! The answers will give you tons of insights as to what lies ahead!

Blessings!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Mar 26, 2015

Hey gang ...

We just got back from teaching one of our R3 Marriage Retreats in Rockport, Texas with our good friends Matt & Julie Barnhill. We had such a great time with all of the couples who were in attendance there ... it was a blast!

One of the things we have learned through the years is that every time we teach we also learn. We are going a little off script in this episode as we share what our 2 biggest takeaways were from the retreat. They were ... 

#1 - Everyone there wanted to improve their communication skills! DUH! In the podcast we go into why couples are looking for better communication skills and what are the top 3 things that get in the way!

#2 - Everyone there wanted to connect with other couples who were like minded! We discuss why it is people are wanting to find folks that share their common relationship struggles!

We know this comes from a retreat that was for folks that are already married but trust us ... one day you are going to be in the same place they are and we want you thinking about it and preparing for it in advance!

Your Conversation For the Week - this week we want you to talk about how you intend to be intentional ablout growing your marriage. Here is a question to help spur you on ... "what are 3 ways each of you intends to grow personally in the next 12 months that will help your relationship?" We want you to get into the mode of being a couple that is intentionally learning and investing in your relationship!

Our Listener Question of the Week is - my future spouse likes to hug everyone they meet, even at work! I think that is a bad idea and I am uncomfortable with it. What do you guys think?

As always, we hope you have a great week and enjoy your conversation!

Jim & Chriatie Jacobus

 

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