What's The One Thing You Can Do To Change the Trajectory of YOUR Marriage? 

Well, when we started thinking about it we couldn't come up with just one ... we came up with four of them!!! Each of these in their own way can make a huge difference in your marriage. If you can, do it together even if you both choose a different one. If your spouse isn't on board then pick one and do it yourself! If either member of the relationship gets better then the marriage gets better!

The four are simple but not necessarily easy. As a matter of fact they can be downright hard. But, they are worth your investment of time and energy. Here are the options:

• #1 - fix your stuff! A lot of the marriages we see are struggling because of childhood trauma/experiences that one or both partners bring into the marriage! Time to grow up, deal with it and put it in the rear view mirror so you can move forward and experience all of the joy and happiness you deserve!!!
• #2 - let's get physical! We aren't challenging anyone to be an olympic athlete, unless of course you can then go for it! We are challenging everyone to commit to being as healthy as they can be! Time to get up off of the couch, put down the fork and invest in being healthy!
• #3 - exercise your brain! In #2 we talk about exercising your body. In this one we talk about how important it is to regularly exercise and stretch our brains! As long as we are learning we are living ... the moment we stop learning is the moment our marriage begins to die!!! Grab an article and read it! Read, or listen, to a book! Subscribe to a podcast ... there's an idea!!! Do something that regularly stimulates your brain to grow and get new ideas!
• #4 - find your tribe! Don't try and go this alone. It is so important for us all to find a group of friends that are in the same stage of life we are in so two wonderful things happen! First, we find out we are not alone and the struggles we have are not unique! Second, we learn from others, and they learn from us, how they have successfully navigated the rough waters we are currently in! Find a tribe you can lean on as you experience marriage together! PS ... we find our tribe at church. We highly recommend it!!!

So, there you have it! 4 powerful strategies you can implement to get grow both individually and as a couple! Let us know what you think and which one you choose!

Here Are Some Marriage Resources for You!!!

When it comes to that last one we wanted to give you some simple and easy to use resources for investing in each other!!! From previous episodes:

• Take the time to learn what makes your spouse feel loved by taking our "Relationship Needs Survey"! This is a real eye opener and will give you the keys to your mates heart! Click Here to access that episode!
• One of the most powerful things a couple can do is to work on creating a "Shared Vision" for their life together! In our episode on the subject we offered a downloadable pdf workbook to help you in the process! Click Here to access that episode and download your own Bucket List Exercise! WARNING ... it could lead to living full time in a RV or some similar life adventure!!!
• One more simple thing you can do to access a great resource is to join our YOUR Marriage Matters Facebook Group where we share a ton of additional information for building a more vibrant, healthy marriage! Click Here to go to our Facebook Group and join in!!!
• Oooooooppppssss! Almost forgot you can grab our book 52 Great Conversations for Building A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage! Click Here to grab your copy!

"You Are Not Likely To Protect YOUR Marriage If You Don't Believe
There Is Any Danger"

Rick Reynolds - The Affair Recovery Center

Last week we did our podcast on The 5 Early Warning Signs That Your Marriage Could Be In Trouble! A lot of the feedback was ... what can we do to get ahead of these early warning signs?!?

This week we are going to give every 3 strategies, or 3 Great Ways To Invest In Your Marriage! While they are simple, they are by no means easy! Here you go ...

• Invest in YOUR Marriage by ... being a student of yourself! Be open and honest about who you are and who you are not and make the commitment to become the best version of yourself possible. Then be open and honest with your spouse about it and trust they will love you, just as you are, unconditionally!
• Invest in YOUR Marriage by ... becoming a student of your spouse! Know their Love Languages, know their Relational Needs (we have a podcast dedicated to this subject HERE!), know their personality styles, know what is on their Bucket List (yet another podcast on this subject HERE!) and on and on and on! You can never know enough about your spouse!
• Invest in YOUR Marriage by ... becoming a student of marriage! There is so much to know about this subject that you can, and likely will, spend an entire lifetime dedicated to learning more about it! The cool news is that it is THE MOST WORTHWHILE pursuit you will ever undertake!

Understand YOUR Marriage Matters and it is in constant danger if we aren't vigilant in how we protect it!

We love you and appreciate you and we want to see you and your relationship succeed beyond your wildest dreams!

Here are a couple of additional ways you can be proactive!

One more simple thing you can do to access a great resource is to join our YOUR Marriage Matters Facebook Group where we share a ton of additional information for building a more vibrant, healthy marriage! Click Here to go to our Facebook Group and join in!!!

Oooooooppppssss! Almost forgot you can grab our book 52 Great Conversations for Building A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage! Click Here to grab your copy!

YOUR Marriage, just like your health, has early warning signs when something isn't just right! Identifying what those signs are, looking to see if they are present in your marriage and then taking action to fix them can save you and your partner a whole lot of grief!!!

5 Early Warning Signs YOUR Marriage Could Be In Trouble!!!

In this podcast we look at 5 specific warning signs we look for in the couples we work with. They are ...

• Losing our connection with each other!
• Avoiding spending time with each other!
• Not making our marriage a priority!
• Talking bad about our spouse, or marriage, to others!
• Not being intentional when it comes to investing in our marriage!

When it comes to that last one we wanted to give you some simple and easy to use resources for investing in each other!!! From previous episodes:

• Take the time to learn what makes your spouse feel loved by taking our "Relationship Needs Survey"! This is a real eye opener and will give you the keys to your mates heart! Click Here to access that episode!
• One of the most powerful things a couple can do is to work on creating a "Shared Vision" for their life together! In our episode on the subject we offered a downloadable pdf workbook to help you in the process! Click Here to access that episode and download your own Bucket List Exercise! WARNING ... it could lead to living full time in a RV or some similar life adventure!!!
• One more simple thing you can do to access a great resource is to join our YOUR Marriage Matters Facebook Group where we share a ton of additional information for building a more vibrant, healthy marriage! Click Here to go to our Facebook Group and join in!!!
• Oooooooppppssss! Almost forgot you can grab our book 52 Great Conversations for Building A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage! Click Here to grab your copy!

So, make the commitment today to not allow any of these red flags to show up in your relationship without taking action in a proactive way! Obviously if we can help in any way let us know. E-mail us, message us or post your question on the Facebook Group! We are always here for you ...

Jim & Christie Jacobus

We are calling YOU out! But, we are calling ourselves out first!!!

We are frustrated, mostly Jim is frustrated, by what we perceive as a lack of interest people have in investing in their marriages! That is until they get into a crisis situation. That has made itself real to us many, many times through the years. That is why we began this podcast in the first place ... to keep couples out of Christie's counseling room and Jim's Divorce Care class!

Someone Is Getting Called Out! It Could Be You!!!

It seems to us like people, you maybe, don't care!!! While the podcast gets solid numbers in the way of downloads it has very little engagement in the way of comments or feedback on any of our distribution channels like YouTube, Facebook, ITunes and the rest. So, we are doing 2 things ...

• Calling ourselves out to be more engaged ourselves and do a better job of providing resources and promoting the podcast.
• Calling you, our listeners, viewers, friends and family out to become more intentional in providing us your feedback and engagement in this process!

In the podcast we also speak to what we feel like are the most important elements to building the marriage you dreamed of when you said "I Do"!

So, there you have it! You have been called out and we have called ourselves out as well! Join us in helping to build a more vibrant, healthy marriage for yourselves and for others.

Thanks! We love and appreciate each of you. Let us know how we can help you ...

Jim & Christie Jacobus

To live the "life of your dreams" you are going to have to make some big decisions! You may also have to change direction sometimes ... even when the direction you are going is exciting and compelling!!! The question is how do you go about making these types of decisions and/or change direction?

For a while now we have been using, and teaching, a process we came up with called I D E A! It goes like this ...

• Inspiration - you have a compelling idea.
• Discussion - you talk about it together and examine the pluses and the minuses with an open mind.
• Education - you learn as much as you can about the decision you want to make.
• Action - when the time comes (don't go too fast, or wait too long) you have to take action to make it happen!

We Made A BIG Decision! Another Life Lesson "From the Road"!!!

In this episode we walk you through our decision to become Park Hosts at Brazos Bend State Park near Houston, Texas! It was a bucket list item for the two of us yet there were a lot of things to consider. That said, we made the decision and we are so excited about our stay here!

Need to make a decision? Try I D E A out and let us know how it goes for you!!!

What is "travel day" like with Team Jacobus? What can we learn about marriage from how these two live out their full time RV'ing lifestyle?

Travel Day With Team Jacobus! (Some "Lessons From the Road")

It turns out, in this raw and uncut podcast, that there is a tone we can learn about the power of living out a dream and a shared vision! We can also learn a lot about how a ton of stuff has to get done and their approach to a shared workload!

Tune in and hear what "travel day" is like for Team Jacobus!

As we wrap up our "I Am Not the Enemy" series we look at what role do we play when it comes to dealing with conflict and struggles in a healthy and productive manner!

In this podcast we will share with you 6 positive roles we each play in the lives of our spouse and in the life of our marriage! Each of these roles lead to us successfully navigating the inevitable rough spots every relationship will experience!

Learning to embrace these strategies will not only help with problem solving but will absolutely lead to a marriage relationship each of you can count on!

Knowing you can trust your mate during tough times is a huge win and a part of why God created marriage in the first place!

We trust you will enjoy this episode. Let us know if we can help you and your marriage in any way ...

Challenges come at our relationship from one of two directions - outside forces of life just happening or inside the marriage where two imperfect people struggle with the give and take of growing up as a couple together!

In this Your marriage Matters episode 140 we get A Professional Counselor's Wisdom for Dealing With Conflict!

Christie has been a Licensed Professional Counselor, or LPC, for over a decade and currently serves clients via two online platforms ... Talkspace and BetterHelp! Her day begins and ends with helping individuals and couples deal with the inevitable conflict that comes with life.

In this episode she shares with us her formulas for helping couples navigate the oft times difficult waters.

We spend a good bit of our time discussing what to do when things seem impossible! So, grab a notebook and some paper because you will want to write some of this stuff down!

Come on over to the Your Marriage Matters  Facebook Group for more great content and a community of like minded folks by Clicking Here! 

Let us know if we can help you in your journey!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

This week we continue the "I Am Not the Enemy" series with YMM 139 ... Two Great Problem Solving Strategies You Can Use TODAY!

The are our two favorite , real world, techniques we use regularly when Team Jacobus is working our way through a difficulty or a when a not so clear decision needs to be made!

Struggles are part of the deal! Disagreements are part of the deal! Even arguing, when done in a healthy way, are a part of any deeply committed relationship! How we handle these normal parts of a normal relationship makes all of the difference in the world. These two techniques can help you turn conflict resolution into a marital strength and give you confidence in yourself, and in your relationship!

Enjoy ... and let us know if we can help in any way!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

When asked what is our best marital advice we always answer the same ... "Fight Naked"! While taken literally it can be a very effective methodology ... after all, who wants to fight with a naked person!

All kidding aside the NAKED part is an acronym for 5 great things to remember to keep our disagreements both civil and productive at the same time. The 5 steps look like this:

• N stands for "nothing up your sleeve" or no hidden agendas.
• A stands for "assume the best" which we went into in depth last week in podcast #137 ... Click Here for that episode!
• K stands for "keep things respectful"! I am not the enemy and deserve your respect even in a disagreement.
• E stands for "engage in creating a positive outcome" and be a serious problem solver looking for solutions.
• D stands for "decide on a plan of action" and move forward. Don't just leave problems hanging so that they pop up again and again!

Does this acronym help us in working through the inevitable problems and conflicts we run into as a couple? You bet it does! Are we perfect at it? Nope, not yet! But we want to be and we appreciate that we both want to be a part of the solution and "not the enemy"!

Let us know what you think about this episode and if you have any questions! Do us a favor when you have a few - like, subscribe and share this podcast with others! We would greatly appreciate it!

Problems, struggles and conflict are signs of a healthy relationship! Two imperfect people working to build a life together are bound to have struggles by the mere fact that:

• They are male and female
• Grew up in different households
• Have different personality styles Have different views on sex, money, household roles and responsibilities, parenting and a dozen other subjects

All of this and more means there will be conflict! What matters is how we handle it!!!

This entire month we will be following the theme of "I Am NOT the Enemy" (thanks Ben and Megan Coleman) and looking closely at effective strategies and mindsets for turning the inevitable differences we are going to have into a strength in our relationships!

Knowing we have each other's back and that we will process struggles in a positive and healthy way builds confidence in ourselves and in each other!  It isn't easy but it is well worth it!

Jim & Christie Jacobus 

What's up gang?

A few weeks ago in our podcast YMM 133 we introduced you to the subject of Relational Needs in a relationship and provided the resources for everyone to take the Relational Needs survey!

Click Here to access that podcast and the resources.

This episode we introduce you to Matt and Julie Barnhill of Barnhill Counseling and Associates, our friends, mentors and co-laborers in building more vibrant, healthy marriages, who will take our understanding of the subject to an entirely new level!

Did you know that there are needs that only God was intended to fulfill? Did you know that there are needs that only our spouse, and no one else, are intended to fulfill? And, did you know that we get into serious trouble when we get who fulfills what need mixed up?

Imagine expecting our loved one to meet a need only God can meet? It happens all of the time and is a recipe for disaster!!! There are some amazing insights in this podcast that can change the nature of our relationships, for the good and forever!

Please let us know if you need any help in this important area of your relationship. We would be glad to assist in any way we can.

To learn more about Matt, Julie and to connect with Barnhill and Associates Counseling Center Click Here! 

Matt & Julie Barnhill

As always we believe 100% that YOUR Marriage Matters! We want you to experience everything you hoped for when you said "I DO".

Hey gang ... 

It is the Wednesday after!!! After Valentine's Day, our 35th anniversary and, the launch of our first book YOUR Marriage Matters - 52 Great Conversations To Build A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage! What a wild and crazy week this has been already and it is only Wednesday. WOW!

One of the things we got asked a lot on Valentine's Day is "what is the secret to staying married for 35 years"? We have been asked that question, or some version of it, a number of times through the years as we teach, counsel, coach and help folks like yourself work on making the most from their relationship! 

As we looked back ourselves, there were 4 key things we felt like really made the difference for us. We share them in this podcast with you! They are:

1. Commitment
2. Keep Learning
3. Work at intentionally being kind and loving
4. Create a compelling shared vision for your life together

So, watch the YouTube video (below) or download the podcast and take a listen. Know in the days, weeks, months and years ahead we will be speaking to these things many times. We appreciate your being on this journey with us!

Also, our first book launched this week! We are so excited that it is finally out ... YOUR Marriage Matters - 52 Great Conversations To Build A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage is a book that will walk couples through important conversations every couple needs to process together. You can learn more about the book and how to order it right here on our website at  www.yourmarriagematters.com/52convos! If you have any questions please let us know.

As always, we are blessed that you would take the time to join us for the podcast. Know we are always here for you and glad to help! 

Valentine's Day Special Edition! 3 Simple Things You Can Do To
Make Valentine's Day AMAZING This Year!

Hey gang ...

It is Valentine's Day week and we are so excited for so many reasons but three reasons really stand out!

• While we "should" be telling our spouses and loved ones how much they mean to us all year round, this week we really focus on saying I LOVE YOU! We have three easy and simple, but powerful, ways in this podcast for you to say it in a special way!
• This Valentine's Day marks our 35th wedding anniversary! Yep, we were married on this day in 1987 in a hot air balloon and we have to pinch ourselves sometimes to imagine how that could even be true!
• And to commemorate our anniversary ... our first book will launch that day! Yep, YOUR Marriage Matters ... 52 Great Conversations To Build A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage will hit the shelves in both digital and print formats. If you would like more info on how to get your copy Click Here!

To access all of the content we discuss in the podcast about Relational Needs, one of the most impactful things we teach Go Here!  There you will find the Relational Needs Survey Tool as well as a video and workbook to walk you through how to get the most from your results! You don't want to miss out on this stuff ... it is a game changer.

If you only do 1 thing that we suggest this week please take the time to make a list of 10 things you love about your spouse/significant other/partner/brother/sister/mom/dad/kids or whoever matters to you! We promise you will melt their hearts and yours at the same time!

So, like we said, it is a GREAT week for love! Make the most of it ...

Jim & Christie Jacobus

In this week's episode we are sharing the chapter from the book "Let's Talk About Sex Baby" and focusing on the conversation "What Makes YOU Feel Loved" in the chapter! What we can learn from this conversation and the Relational Needs Survey is this:

• We have 3 main Relational Needs that, when met, make us feel loved!
• Our 3 main Relational Needs are not likely the same as our spouse!
• Yet, we try to make them feel loved by giving them what makes us feel loved!

Do you see where there might be a disconnect there? So this month we are going to spend all of our time gaining clarity around knowing what exactly makes us feel loved and all of the awesome experiences that come from that understanding. Here is what we encourage you to do to get the most from this study!

• Download the Relational Needs Survey by Clicking Here!
• Watch the video instructions for getting the most from the survey by Clicking Here!
• Download the "Let's Talk About Sex Baby" sample chapter from the book!
• Go to Conversation #2 in the "Let's Talk About Sex Baby" and process through the conversation

While you are at it ... feel free to tackle the other conversations as well!

Again, it is going to be an awesome month of February! Let us know if you have any questions and feel free to follow us or subscribe to our podcast wherever it is you currently consume them!

Have a great week!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

YMM 132 ... Interview With Trevor and Catie Bird of Durango Harley Davidson

Trevor, Catie, Millie and Reese Bird

From minimum wage employees to owning Durango Harley Davidson Trevor and Catie Grace Bird are a great example of what happens when a couple creates a compelling "shared vision" and sticks to what they believe God has called them to!

You are going to love their story complete with what they themselves refer to as "dark times"! Open, transparent and compelling these two are going to tell a story that is so encouraging to everyone that believes that their marriage is destined for something special! Here are just a few of the things you will hear in their story:

YMM 131 ... The Power of A "Shared Vision"!

Welcome to YOUR Marriage Matters episode #131! In this podcast we are going to look at how we can level up our relationship by getting behind a compelling "vision" for our marriage that goes beyond just surviving!

A "shared vision" can turn a bad marriage into a good one and a good one into a GREAT one! And, the benefits of finding a central driving force in your relationship go way beyond even thriving together! In this episode we will discuss:

• How our lives look normally ... including ours
• What a "shared vision" looks like
• What a next level shared vision looks like
• And, we are going to share a downloadable tool you can use to start the process of leveling up your relationship!

We do want to get you started creating a shared dream together so we put together a "Bucket List Exercise" downloadable pdf to prompt your discussion with each other! You can download this exercise by Clicking Here! 

Thank you for joining us for this episode. Click Here to watch the YouTube video!

The Fundamentals for Building A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage!

Hey gang ...

Welcome to Your Marriage Matters episode 133 - The Fundamentals for Building A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage! Since we are doing a "restart" on the podcast, and new YouTube channel. we felt like it was important to go back to the fundamentals as a reset for everything we are going to be covering in the days and weeks ahead!

The fundamentals we are going to be covering during this episode are simple but powerful! They are:

• Create a "shared vision" for creating a compelling life together!
• Master the critical skill of communicating effectively!
• Master the equally critical skill of being able to solve life's inevitable problems together!

In this episode we discuss these from a bit of a 30,000ft view! In future episodes we will get into much more depth with very practical, real world skills anyone can learn!

We do want to get you started creating a shared dream together so we put together a "Bucket List Exercise" downloadable pdf to prompt your discussion with each other! You can download this exercise by Clicking Here! 

Thank you for joining us for this episode. Click Here to watch the YouTube video!

Catch you next week ...

What is up? We are so very excited to be back podcasting after a little over a year of. So many things have happened during 2021 we wanted to catch you up on everything.

Plus, we really wanted to give you a preview of what lies ahead in 2022 ... it is so exciting! Our focus is going to be taking our relationship to an entirely new level. In this podcast we give you a little insight into just what that is going to take!

Click Here To Watch the Podcast!

Here is just some of what lies ahead!

• We will launch our first book “52 Conversations” on Valentine’s Day
• We will be interviewing extraordinary couples at least once a month to learn how the went to the “next level”
• We will be doing regularly scheduled marriage training webinars
• We will launch our first online marriage course in the spring
• We hope you will join us and invite others to join us as well!
  • Click Here to subscribe to the YouTube channel
  • Click Here to join the Your Marriage Matters Facebook group
  • Click Here To Sign Up for Our Newsletter and have all of our resources sent to your inbox! 
  • Or, do all three!!