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Your Marriage Matterz

Hey gang! Welcome to Your Marriage Matterz with Team Jacobus This podcast is dedicated to couples that want to get the most out of this crazy thing we call marriage! Each episode is designed to guide us in a fun and exciting way through the skills, strategies, tactics and mindset we need to build a compelling life together! Our goal is for all of us to create the vibrant and healthy marriages we all dreamed of when we said “I do”. Welcome to Your Marriage Matterz with Jim and Christie Jacobus!
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"We Are Dedicated To Building Vibrant Healthy Marriages!"

May 2, 2018

Hey folks ... 

Welcome to our Couples At the Crossroads series episode The Power of Effective Communication In YOUR Marriage. This week we discuss the critical marital skill of communication. And ... we are going to focus in on how important it is to be both a communicator and a listener by sharing our "Communication Rules of the Road"! Check it out ... 

Speaker Rules of the Road ... 

  • Right place, right time, right mood
  • Use "I" language instead of "You" 
  • Focus on one subject at a time
  • Give the listener time to respond
  • Put a time limit on sharing your thought

Listener Rules of the Road ... 

  • Give your undivided attention
  • Don't interrupt
  • Actively listen - eye contact, take notes and watch your body language
  • Repeat or paraphrase back what you heard to check for accuracy
  • Seek first to understand - then and only then, seek to be understood!

And, we gave you some homework this week to make a list of 10 Things I Love About My Spouse and to share it with each other using the Speaker/Listener Rules of the Road listed above!

Being intentional to improve our communication skills will greatly improve every area of life but specifically you will love what it does for your marriage!

Let us know if you have any questions by going to our Facebook page Your Marriage Matterz! Or, you can e-mail us info@yourmarriagematterz.com

Thanks for listening ... 


Jim & Christie Jacobus

 

Apr 25, 2018

Hey gang ... 

Our Listener Question of the Week was about how to share the household chores. Attached you will find a couple of checklists you can use to decide whether ... 

  • He does it
  • She does it
  • We do it together
  • We hire someone to do it for us!

 

Let us know if you have any questions ...


Jim & Christie Jacobus
info@yourmarriagematterz.com 

Apr 25, 2018

Hey there gang ... 

We are in Part 2 of our Couples At The Crossroads - How To Reset Your Marriage series. This week we are talking about getting on the same page. When our marriage isn't flourishing the way we want it to or is stuck we have to go back to the beginning and reset it!

Today we talk about resetting our marriage at a 30,000 ft level and at ground zero. We will be discussing ...

  • Money
  • Sex
  • Marital Expectations
  • Parenting
  • Roles and Responsibilities
  • Faith and Spirituality
  • Communication
  • Conflict Resolution
  • And much, much more

Join us as we dive into this series Couples At the Crossroads and reset your marriage for an even better relationship!

We also have an awesome "Listener Question of the Week" where we tackle how to share household responsibilities. We have a couple of downloads for you this week so check to help with household chores them out!

Thanks for listening

Jim& Christie Jacobus
info@yourmarriagematterz.com 

Apr 18, 2018

NOTE: Jim and Christie have laryngitis this week so we are pulling one of our most popular podcasts over from The Man Up Project 2020 podcast. The idea that there are ONLY 3 Reasons Why Marriages Fail amy seem a little simple but we believe you will find they are accurate! We trust you will enjoy this crossover episode of YMM #014! 

Hey guys!

While the title may seem a little ominous there really are only "3 Reasons Why Men Fail"! It is that simple. This podcast is going to cover those reasons and give some clear direction on what to do about it!

And, there are only 3 Reasons Why Employees Fail, our children, our friends and family! when we learn the three reasons we can become instrumental in helping others become successful as well!

So, get out your notepads and let's get to studying the "3 Reasons Why Men Fail"! 

Apr 11, 2018

Hey folks ... 

Welcome to a new Your Marriage Matterz series - Couples At The Crossroads ... How To Reset YOUR Marriage! This is going to be a 5 part series focusing on how we can sort of stop where we are, assess where our marriage is and reset the direction and trajectory of our lives together. 

We all get to that place sometime where we are stuck, or struggling or ... at a crossroads! Most of the time we don't even know how we got here but we want more than our current relationship provides. Awesome! That is what this series is all about. We are going to cover:

  • YMM #013 How To Reset Your Marriage
  • YMM #014 Creating A Shared Vision
  • YMM #015 Reseting Our Communication Patterns
  • YMM #016 How To Effectively Deal With the Inevitable Conflict
  • YMM #017 Creating YOUR Version of Team Jacobus

We are going to have tons and tons of resources for you every week and know this will help all of us set a new, and powerful, course for our marriages!

If you have any questions or if we can help you in any way please go to our Facebook page Your Marriage Matterz and message us or e-mail us info@yourmarriagematterz.com

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Apr 4, 2018

Hey gang ... 

Welcome to this week's podcast where we are going to learn The 6 Things EVERYONE Needs To Know About Their Spouse! This podcast is in response to so many comments we received regarding "what the heck do you guys talk about when spending 3,600 miles+ in the car together?"

While talking may or may not come easy to your and your spouse it is a skill set you can build and improve on! We are going to give you not just the process for great conversations but also the mindset that needs to go with it!

Check out the Facebook page at Your Marriage Matterz for even more resources to go with this the podcast including "The 20 Question Game" we guarantee you will have fun with. 

Click Here To Download 
"The 20 Questions Game"

Also, we have a great Listener Question of the Week regarding why men have such a hard time JUST LISTENING when their wife shares a problem she is having. The answer may surprise you and will give you a great new skill set you will love to use in the future!

Again, welcome to the Your Marriage Matterz podcast! For any feedback or to ask your own LQOW e-mail us at info@yourmarriagematterz.com. We look forward to hearing from you!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Mar 28, 2018

Hey gang ... 

There are a lot of things to learn when you take a 3,600 mile road trip that covers 7 days and 5 states! Here are 10 Tips For Traveling Together ... Across Town, Across Country Or Just Through Life In General! 

Here are just a couple of bullet points from the podcast:

  • First, plan the trip way in advance, do your homework and research. If you are going to spend the money and time make sure you get a great ROI! 
    • Plus ... you get to enjoy the anticipation of the trip!
  • Second, yes plan in advance but don't over plan! Leave some room for what we call "planned spontaneity" and watch for something cool to show up! 
  • Be a team and share the load so one person isn't responsible for everything. Use your strengths as leverage ... 
  • Be a team but also be capable of being independent! You are responsible for your own happiness!

You will have to listen to the podcast to get the other 6 Tips plus we have a "Bonus Tip" as well!

Our Listener Question of the Week has to do with solving the problem of one of you always having to be 30 minutes early for everything you do! You will be surprised at the answer!

Thanks as always!

Jim & Christie Jacobus 
aka Team Jacobus

 

Mar 21, 2018

Hey folks ... 

Today we come to you from our make shift studio in sunny West Palm Beach, Florida! Our trip is coming to a close but we still have one adventure left we will share with tomorrow. 

That said, we sat down and asked each other what have been the pluses of this road trip! And we came up with a bunch. They fell into a couple of categories:

  • Memories - we have tons of these!
  • Just time to talk - about nothing and about everything
  • Planning - especially where we are going with the podcast!
  • Learning - we used this time to learn some important stuff together!

That last one is the real focus of this particular episode! And ... we have another great "Listener Question of the Week"! 

In the podcast we make reference to a YouTube video "God's Perfect Plan For Marriage". Click Here to watch that video!

Mar 14, 2018

Hey folks ... 

What are the top 3 skills we need to have a vibrant, healthy marriage? Communication, communication and communication! 

All kidding aside we have found that great communication works to solve a wide variety of marital problems while poor communication exacerbates them!

So recently we spoke at the Connect Marriage Conference up in the Dallas/Ft Worth, Texas area and one of the topics we covered were the 7 Powerful Communication Skills! In this podcast we are sharing with you the recording of that part of the presentation. 

After listening we encourage you to sit down with the handout from that presentation and discuss 2 things with your spouse:

  • What are our individual communication strengths out of the 7 listed and how do they improve the quality of our marriage?
  • And, of course, what skills do we individually need to work on to improve the quality of our marriage?

You can find this handout to download as a guide on our Your Marriage Matterz Facebook page. 

We trust you will enjoy this recording from the Connect Marriage Conference!

PS ... we are taking a "Bucket List" road trip to the Houston Astros Spring Training in West Palm Beach beginning tomorrow, March 15th and we are inviting you to go along ... via Facebook live that is! If you haven't already "Liked" us on Facebook please do so and come along on the journey! We promise it will be fun!

Thanks gang ... 

Jim & Christie 

Mar 7, 2018

Hey gang ... 

First we wanted to thank you for all of the support we have received in these first few weeks! The podcast is growing like crazy and we are so appreciative!

In this week's episode we are going to talk about why it is so important to build YOUR Team and what all goes into that. While tons of people know us as Jim & Christie there are a growing number of folks that call us "Team Jacobus" and we love it. 

We believe and teach that in successful marriages the entity, the marriage itself, or what we call the team is more important than the individuals. That is not to diminish in any way either of the individuals in a marriage just a way of establishing a set of priorities with the marriage coming first. 

So, we trust you will enjoy this episode as we take you through the why what and how of building your team at home!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Feb 28, 2018

Hey folks ... 

Welcome to Your Marriage Matterz podcast #006! This week we tackle 10 reasons why YOUR Marriage Matterz. Not just why marriage itself matters but specifically why YOUR individual Marriage Matterz!

We don't want to give away the list here in the show notes but we will share with you that one important way YOUR Marriage Matters is the fact that it matters to us! If you ever think no one cares about you and/or your marriage we want you to know that we do!

The Jacobus' care about you and your marriage and there isn't much we won't do to help you experience everything you hoped and dreamed it would be. 

We trust you will enjoy this list of 10 Reasons Why YOUR Marriage Matterz!

Jim & Christie 

 

Feb 21, 2018

Hey there YMM gang!

When we started this thing we promised we would come at you with all kinds of resources ... including interviews!

Well, we did our first interview this past weekend on location at a marriage conference we were speaking for and it was with our good friends Matt & Julie Barnhill!

We could have interviewed them on a dozen different topics regarding marriage and they would have blown it out of the water. That said, we decided to talk with them about how intentional they were about how they raised their three daughters.

To say the result was gold would be an understatement. This is so full of great ideas we should all listen to it over and over. The proof of their success is evident in the lives of Megan, Brittany and Breanna, the husbands they married and the families they are raising. 

Grab a notebook for this one!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Note: Apologies for the sound quality not being 100%. We will work on making our mobile recordings as good as our studio product!

Feb 15, 2018

Hey folks ... 

Yesterday, February 14th, Valentine's Day and our 31st anniversary, was an awesome day! We thoroughly enjoyed our day together both working and playing. And ... we launched our podcast and Facebook page for YOUR Marriage Matterz!

To say we had a successful launch is an understatement! We had ...

  • 263 downloads of the podcast and
  • 116 people followed our Facebook page 
  • All in 1 day!!!

That said, there were a lot of questions and tons of great feedback. The most common was ... "hey, you misspelled Matters". We figured that was coming and even explained it, briefly, in one of the podcasts. 

Since there were so many questions we did this short recording to explain "Why the Z"!

We trust you will enjoy the explanation ... 

Let us know if you have any questions, or if we have any other misspelled words!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

 

Feb 14, 2018

Hey gang ... It is February 14th, Valentine's Day as well as our 31st anniversary! 

AND ... we could use your help with something!

As most of you know we are passionate about marriage and committed to doing all we can to build vibrant healthy marriages. With that in mind we have started a new journey in pursuit of that calling by launching a podcast, on Valentine's Day, titled "Your Marriage Matterz"! (We will explain the reason for the at a latter date) 

We really need, and would appreciate, your help in launching this new initiative! Here are some ways you could help:

  1. CLICK HERE to go to our podcast on Itunes and listen to one of the first 4 (the newest ones) podcasts.
  2. If you feel like it is worthy we would appreciate a 5 Star rating with your feedback.
  3. And subscribe to the podcast!
  4. Then please go to facebook and follow us on our FB page at https://www.facebook.com/yourmarriagematterz/.
  5. Then share that page and/or a link to the podcast along with what you think about what we are doing with as many of your friends as possible to help us spread the word. 
  6. You can also follow us on Instagram and Twitter @yourmarriagematterz. We will have our website up and running soon. 

We appreciate it if you could do any or all of the above. If that isn't possible at this time we would greatly appreciate your prayers and positive vibes!

Our commitment moving forward is to bring tons and tons of awesome videos, interviews, articles and of course podcasts to encourage and challenge us all on this journey. 

Let us know if you have any questions or if we can help you in any way. Again, thanks!

Jim & Christie 
Jacobus

Feb 12, 2018

Hey gang ... 

Welcome to Your Marriage Matterz podcast #003! As we started out we promised that we would share with you, our audience, "strategies, tactics, skills and mindsets that would help in building a vibrant healthy marriage. 

In today's episode we are going to get into one of our favorite strategies and tactical topics ... creating a "Bucket List" and how that can be beneficial to you both individually and as a couple!

We will discuss ... 

  • Ground rules for creating bucket lists
  • How to create individual and team bucket list items
  • How to support each other's lists
  • How critical it is to have both individual bucket lists
  • And a whole lot more!

So, thanks for joining us! We look forward to hearing about your lists. 

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Feb 12, 2018

Hey gang ... 

Welcome to episode #002 of the Your Marriage Matterz podcast! Today we are going to tackle some fundamental principles for building a vibrant healthy marriage!

Our definition of a principle is that it "will work anywhere, any time and for anybody"! The principles in this podcast will make us better business men and women, better golfers or tennis players, better men, women, mothers, fathers and yes ... better husbands and wives! They will make us better, even extraordinary, at anything we choose in life. 

The principles we will share with you in this podcast are as follows:

  • Be passionate about your life and you marriage
  • Be committed to it 100%
  • Have a big vision, or dream, for your marriage
  • Keep learning and growing in your marriage
  • Take total responsibility for your life and your marriage

We trust you will enjoy these principles!

Jim & Christie Jacobus 

 

Feb 12, 2018

Hey gang ... 

Welcome to Your Marriage Matterz episode #001! We are both professional speakers and trainers and we know that every audience we stand in front of wants to know the following:

  • Who are you?
  • Why are you here?
  • Why do I care?

In YMM Podcast Zero we answered the second and third questions in detail and added a little about who we are. In this podcast we go into detail about Christie, about Jim and about the two of us as a couple ... or, what we refer to as "Team Jacobus"!

You will find in this podcast that we are both quite different personalities, with quite different backgrounds and quite different ways of doing things! Yet we work, sometimes hard, at building the best marriage (or team) we can leveraging each other's strengths. 

So, we trust you will enjoy this episode as you learn more about the two of us! 

Thanks for listening ... 

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Feb 11, 2018

Hey gang ... 

Welcome to the very first "Your Marriage Matterz" podcast! We are calling this particular episode Podcast Zero as it is just an introduction to our podcast. And, in this episode we want to answer 3 important questions:

  • Who are we?
  • What are we doing with this podcast?
  • Most important ... why do you care?

So we actually start out with what are we doing with this podcast and the simple answer is we are committed to doing everything we can to "build healthy vibrant marriages". The podcast is just one of the many ways we are going to be doing what we can. 

Why do you care? To say the least ... building a vibrant healthy marriage is hard work some times. We want to share with you important strategies, skills, tactics and mindsets needed to take your marriage to the next level. 

So, who are we? You can read the show notes, go to our website www.yourmarriagematterz.com or listen to YMM #001 to get the details. But for now we are a couple that has been married for 31 years with a passion for helping others with this crazy thing called marriage!

We invite you to join us on the journey! Thanks for listening ... 

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Dec 17, 2015

Welcome!  Today’s episode is about Holidays.  Where will you spend them?  Have you and your spouse had this important conversation?  This topic involves the expectations you have of your marriage and ties to family beliefs and traditions.  There are several variables to consider:  stepfamilies, geographic location, travel, and children.  This topic is best addressed before marriage and is certainly one that requires couples to work together.

Consider the following about your holiday plans:

  • Assess what the different holidays and traditions mean to each of you.
  • Try to begin new traditions with your partner.  Remember that your marriage relationship comes before any other family ties.
  • Once you make decisions, “have each other’s backs” and don’t blame the other partner.
  • Negotiate “win-win” situations for both of you.
  • “Rate the debate” based on how important each element is to you: 1st choice, 2nd choice, and 3rd choice.
  • Establish communication and exercise your problem-solving skills.
  • This is NOT the time to be selfish and demanding!

What can you expect if you handle this conversation well?  

  • You achieve teamwork and unity with your spouse in the eyes of friends and family.
  • You may end up enjoying the family traditions and the bonding opportunities with your spouse’s family.

Listener Question of the Week:  I am really frustrated.  My fiancé and I have been together for several years and have been through many birthdays and holidays.  He likes to give practical gifts, and I like fun, crazy gifts.  What are your recommendations as to what to do?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is your idea of a great gift?

Are you following us on Facebook? If not we would enjoy having you there!

Click Here to check it out …

Have a great week gang!

Jim and Christie

 

Dec 10, 2015

Welcome! Jim is flying solo for this episode because Christie has no voice! This episode is Part 2 in a Four Part Series of questions to ask ourselves individually and collectively, personally and professionally, to make 2016 our BEST YEAR EVER! This is a process that we have used in our family for about ten years now. I hope these questions will help you effectively communicate with each other and build your marriage to last a lifetime!

Last week, we discussed Question #1: What is working in our lives, and how can we do more of it?

This week, here is Question #2: What is NOT working, and how do we get rid of it or make it work?

  • This question is the most valuable and the most powerful of the four.
  • Another way to look at it is, where are you NOT getting a great ROI?
  • This will help you create a plan to limit the problem of over-committing yourselves.
  • Jim shares two personal examples to illustrate:
    • Jim’s beloved guitar
    • Selling personal property to fulfill the commitment to eliminate debt

Join us next week as we tackle Question #3. I hope you’ll use this question this week to strengthen your marriage commitment. Have a great week!

Dec 3, 2015

Welcome Gang!  I am flying solos today because Christie is under the weather.  In the next 4 weeks we are going to share with you 4 questions in a series called:

 

We ask individually and collectively and we ask them both personally and professionally.

 

  1. What’s working right now and how do we do more of it?

 

We want to not only ask what is working, but why is it working right now?  Christie and I have started trying to be more connected lately and we found ourselves asking this very question.  

 

We want to know why things are good so that we can continue to do more of that.  If we don’t know why, then we don’t know what to do to get the same results.

 

When you ask these questions, you will find yourself being more connected to your spouse.  So much of our success in our relationships are about being intentional and engaged in the relationship.

 

Listener Question of the Week:  “If you were going to read one book to improve your relationship in 2016, what book would it be?”

 

Nov 25, 2015

Welcome! Today’s episode is an outgrowth of what Christy has learned by recently attending the Gottman Certification Training, and what Jim has learned from reading Dr. John Gottman’s book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. We didn’t plan to focus on Gottman’s principles simultaneously, but it just worked out that way. We found out that we are actually doing his seven principles, but we aren’t doing them INTENTIONALLY. Gottman’s principles of making marriage work are based on much intentionality in the relationship. If you aren’t familiar with Dr. Gottman, then you may not know that he is a leading researcher in the science of marriage. He and his wife, Julie, run the Gottman Institute and the Love Lab, which is a center for scientific research on marriage and relationships.

From a list of many questions, today we are focusing on these Six Questions to ask each other:

  1. What is your partner’s favorite way to spend an evening?
  2. What is one of your partner’s concerns or worries?
  3. What is your partner’s favorite dream that is yet unachieved?
  4. What personal improvements does your partner want to make in their life?
  5. What is one of the ways your partner is soothed or comforted?
  6. What was your partner’s favorite vacation? (Also our Fun Question of the Week)

If you want to build a Sound Relationship House, then you have to know the other person and pursue making your marriage better. So much of the work we need to do involves simple listening and being in each other’s world. We hope these questions will be the basis for good conversations that will help you get to know your partner better. Thanks for listening!

 

Nov 19, 2015

Welcome! Believe it or not, the holidays are fast approaching! Today’s topic we want you to consider involves putting some thought into YOUR holiday celebrations as a couple.

*What are three things that you want to make sure that you personally get to do during the holidays?

Consider the following about this topic:

  • This topic must be agreed upon together, and requires discussion, negotiation, and planning.
  • It’s a critical conversation that speaks to our wants, needs, desires, values, and beliefs.
  • The holidays are a great opportunity for you and your spouse to start your own traditions together.
  • Each celebration is important: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day.
  • Mapping things out NOW may eliminate conflict LATER.
  • There may be a conflict between partners, but it’s a time to be sacrificial and willing to compromise.
  • This is an opportunity to drill deep about beliefs concerning religion and the holidays.
  • “Just because it’s different doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.”

To complete this assignment, do the following:

  • Write down your three things.
  • Share them together with your partner.
  • Negotiate and create a plan.
  • Find at least one NEW tradition to start together.

Remember, the holidays are coming FAST! You cannot wait to address this issue in your relationship. The time is now!

Listener Question of the Week: What is your partner’s favorite holiday?

Fun Question of the Week: What is your favorite Christmas gift that you’ve ever received?

Nov 12, 2015

Welcome!  Today’s topic is one that requires more transparency and vulnerability than some that we’ve covered. Have an open mind and approach with honesty!

Here is the question to consider: What is one habit that you would like to change about yourself, and why?

There are several reasons that this is an important issue:

  • Some habits of your partner could be problematic in the relationship.
  • Some habits may NOT change after marriage and you can’t expect things to change.
  • This topic requires that we look inside ourselves instead of pointing at the other person.
  • This is an opportunity to help each other get better.
  • Caution: If any habit is a deal-breaker for you, then make sure to deal with it BEFORE marriage!
  • This is an opportunity to strive to “Be the best version of yourself that you can be.”

How do we change habits? There are five steps: self-awareness, self-regulation (discipline), motivation, empathy, and social skills.

Your assignment is to set a time to get together and discuss today’s question.  Find out what your partner can do to help you, and vice versa. Have a follow-through plan of how to proceed in a positive manner.

Listener Question of the Week: How do you handle the chores that neither one of you likes to do?

Fun Question of the Week: What is one wedding tradition that you’ve seen that you really like?

Nov 5, 2015

Welcome!  We just wrapped up two different “Prepare to Last” classes with engaged couples. Check out our website for upcoming dates for classes and retreats. Our topic today is an outgrowth of the recent classes because much discussion happens concerning how we spend our money and how we view our partner’s spending.

Here is today’s question to tackle with your partner: What do you think are three things that are a waste of money?

  • This topic truly speaks to each person’s values.
  • This conversation is an important one to have—and EARLY in the relationship!
  • You may not fully agree.  For example, Jim values guns, but Christy values purses.  Listen as Jim and Christy explain how to approach these viewpoints.
  • Lay out some ground rules concerning spending.
  • Approach money with some degree of logic.
  • None of us are totally faultless in wasting money!

This is a great date night conversation and not one that is too heavy. Consider these two questions and answers as part of your conversation:

  • What does money represent to you? (Security, status, etc.)
  • What IS a waste of money? (Interest on credit cards, renting a home, etc.)

Listener Question of the Week:  We are about 8-9 months away from getting married, and we are dealing with a serious drug and alcohol addiction problem. What do you think we ought to do?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is one thing you’d like to have for Christmas?

 

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