As we wrap up our "I Am Not the Enemy" series we look at what role do we play when it comes to dealing with conflict and struggles in a healthy and productive manner!

In this podcast we will share with you 6 positive roles we each play in the lives of our spouse and in the life of our marriage! Each of these roles lead to us successfully navigating the inevitable rough spots every relationship will experience!

Learning to embrace these strategies will not only help with problem solving but will absolutely lead to a marriage relationship each of you can count on!

Knowing you can trust your mate during tough times is a huge win and a part of why God created marriage in the first place!

We trust you will enjoy this episode. Let us know if we can help you and your marriage in any way ...

Challenges come at our relationship from one of two directions - outside forces of life just happening or inside the marriage where two imperfect people struggle with the give and take of growing up as a couple together!

In this Your marriage Matters episode 140 we get A Professional Counselor's Wisdom for Dealing With Conflict!

Christie has been a Licensed Professional Counselor, or LPC, for over a decade and currently serves clients via two online platforms ... Talkspace and BetterHelp! Her day begins and ends with helping individuals and couples deal with the inevitable conflict that comes with life.

In this episode she shares with us her formulas for helping couples navigate the oft times difficult waters.

We spend a good bit of our time discussing what to do when things seem impossible! So, grab a notebook and some paper because you will want to write some of this stuff down!

Come on over to the Your Marriage Matters  Facebook Group for more great content and a community of like minded folks by Clicking Here! 

Let us know if we can help you in your journey!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

This week we continue the "I Am Not the Enemy" series with YMM 139 ... Two Great Problem Solving Strategies You Can Use TODAY!

The are our two favorite , real world, techniques we use regularly when Team Jacobus is working our way through a difficulty or a when a not so clear decision needs to be made!

Struggles are part of the deal! Disagreements are part of the deal! Even arguing, when done in a healthy way, are a part of any deeply committed relationship! How we handle these normal parts of a normal relationship makes all of the difference in the world. These two techniques can help you turn conflict resolution into a marital strength and give you confidence in yourself, and in your relationship!

Enjoy ... and let us know if we can help in any way!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

When asked what is our best marital advice we always answer the same ... "Fight Naked"! While taken literally it can be a very effective methodology ... after all, who wants to fight with a naked person!

All kidding aside the NAKED part is an acronym for 5 great things to remember to keep our disagreements both civil and productive at the same time. The 5 steps look like this:

• N stands for "nothing up your sleeve" or no hidden agendas.
• A stands for "assume the best" which we went into in depth last week in podcast #137 ... Click Here for that episode!
• K stands for "keep things respectful"! I am not the enemy and deserve your respect even in a disagreement.
• E stands for "engage in creating a positive outcome" and be a serious problem solver looking for solutions.
• D stands for "decide on a plan of action" and move forward. Don't just leave problems hanging so that they pop up again and again!

Does this acronym help us in working through the inevitable problems and conflicts we run into as a couple? You bet it does! Are we perfect at it? Nope, not yet! But we want to be and we appreciate that we both want to be a part of the solution and "not the enemy"!

Let us know what you think about this episode and if you have any questions! Do us a favor when you have a few - like, subscribe and share this podcast with others! We would greatly appreciate it!

Problems, struggles and conflict are signs of a healthy relationship! Two imperfect people working to build a life together are bound to have struggles by the mere fact that:

• They are male and female
• Grew up in different households
• Have different personality styles Have different views on sex, money, household roles and responsibilities, parenting and a dozen other subjects

All of this and more means there will be conflict! What matters is how we handle it!!!

This entire month we will be following the theme of "I Am NOT the Enemy" (thanks Ben and Megan Coleman) and looking closely at effective strategies and mindsets for turning the inevitable differences we are going to have into a strength in our relationships!

Knowing we have each other's back and that we will process struggles in a positive and healthy way builds confidence in ourselves and in each other!  It isn't easy but it is well worth it!

Jim & Christie Jacobus 

What's up gang?

A few weeks ago in our podcast YMM 133 we introduced you to the subject of Relational Needs in a relationship and provided the resources for everyone to take the Relational Needs survey!

Click Here to access that podcast and the resources.

This episode we introduce you to Matt and Julie Barnhill of Barnhill Counseling and Associates, our friends, mentors and co-laborers in building more vibrant, healthy marriages, who will take our understanding of the subject to an entirely new level!

Did you know that there are needs that only God was intended to fulfill? Did you know that there are needs that only our spouse, and no one else, are intended to fulfill? And, did you know that we get into serious trouble when we get who fulfills what need mixed up?

Imagine expecting our loved one to meet a need only God can meet? It happens all of the time and is a recipe for disaster!!! There are some amazing insights in this podcast that can change the nature of our relationships, for the good and forever!

Please let us know if you need any help in this important area of your relationship. We would be glad to assist in any way we can.

To learn more about Matt, Julie and to connect with Barnhill and Associates Counseling Center Click Here! 

Matt & Julie Barnhill

As always we believe 100% that YOUR Marriage Matters! We want you to experience everything you hoped for when you said "I DO".

Hey gang ... 

It is the Wednesday after!!! After Valentine's Day, our 35th anniversary and, the launch of our first book YOUR Marriage Matters - 52 Great Conversations To Build A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage! What a wild and crazy week this has been already and it is only Wednesday. WOW!

One of the things we got asked a lot on Valentine's Day is "what is the secret to staying married for 35 years"? We have been asked that question, or some version of it, a number of times through the years as we teach, counsel, coach and help folks like yourself work on making the most from their relationship! 

As we looked back ourselves, there were 4 key things we felt like really made the difference for us. We share them in this podcast with you! They are:

1. Commitment
2. Keep Learning
3. Work at intentionally being kind and loving
4. Create a compelling shared vision for your life together

So, watch the YouTube video (below) or download the podcast and take a listen. Know in the days, weeks, months and years ahead we will be speaking to these things many times. We appreciate your being on this journey with us!

Also, our first book launched this week! We are so excited that it is finally out ... YOUR Marriage Matters - 52 Great Conversations To Build A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage is a book that will walk couples through important conversations every couple needs to process together. You can learn more about the book and how to order it right here on our website at  www.yourmarriagematters.com/52convos! If you have any questions please let us know.

As always, we are blessed that you would take the time to join us for the podcast. Know we are always here for you and glad to help! 

Valentine's Day Special Edition! 3 Simple Things You Can Do To
Make Valentine's Day AMAZING This Year!

Hey gang ...

It is Valentine's Day week and we are so excited for so many reasons but three reasons really stand out!

• While we "should" be telling our spouses and loved ones how much they mean to us all year round, this week we really focus on saying I LOVE YOU! We have three easy and simple, but powerful, ways in this podcast for you to say it in a special way!
• This Valentine's Day marks our 35th wedding anniversary! Yep, we were married on this day in 1987 in a hot air balloon and we have to pinch ourselves sometimes to imagine how that could even be true!
• And to commemorate our anniversary ... our first book will launch that day! Yep, YOUR Marriage Matters ... 52 Great Conversations To Build A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage will hit the shelves in both digital and print formats. If you would like more info on how to get your copy Click Here!

To access all of the content we discuss in the podcast about Relational Needs, one of the most impactful things we teach Go Here!  There you will find the Relational Needs Survey Tool as well as a video and workbook to walk you through how to get the most from your results! You don't want to miss out on this stuff ... it is a game changer.

If you only do 1 thing that we suggest this week please take the time to make a list of 10 things you love about your spouse/significant other/partner/brother/sister/mom/dad/kids or whoever matters to you! We promise you will melt their hearts and yours at the same time!

So, like we said, it is a GREAT week for love! Make the most of it ...

Jim & Christie Jacobus

In this week's episode we are sharing the chapter from the book "Let's Talk About Sex Baby" and focusing on the conversation "What Makes YOU Feel Loved" in the chapter! What we can learn from this conversation and the Relational Needs Survey is this:

• We have 3 main Relational Needs that, when met, make us feel loved!
• Our 3 main Relational Needs are not likely the same as our spouse!
• Yet, we try to make them feel loved by giving them what makes us feel loved!

Do you see where there might be a disconnect there? So this month we are going to spend all of our time gaining clarity around knowing what exactly makes us feel loved and all of the awesome experiences that come from that understanding. Here is what we encourage you to do to get the most from this study!

• Download the Relational Needs Survey by Clicking Here!
• Watch the video instructions for getting the most from the survey by Clicking Here!
• Download the "Let's Talk About Sex Baby" sample chapter from the book!
• Go to Conversation #2 in the "Let's Talk About Sex Baby" and process through the conversation

While you are at it ... feel free to tackle the other conversations as well!

Again, it is going to be an awesome month of February! Let us know if you have any questions and feel free to follow us or subscribe to our podcast wherever it is you currently consume them!

Have a great week!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

YMM 132 ... Interview With Trevor and Catie Bird of Durango Harley Davidson

Trevor, Catie, Millie and Reese Bird

From minimum wage employees to owning Durango Harley Davidson Trevor and Catie Grace Bird are a great example of what happens when a couple creates a compelling "shared vision" and sticks to what they believe God has called them to!

You are going to love their story complete with what they themselves refer to as "dark times"! Open, transparent and compelling these two are going to tell a story that is so encouraging to everyone that believes that their marriage is destined for something special! Here are just a few of the things you will hear in their story:

YMM 131 ... The Power of A "Shared Vision"!

Welcome to YOUR Marriage Matters episode #131! In this podcast we are going to look at how we can level up our relationship by getting behind a compelling "vision" for our marriage that goes beyond just surviving!

A "shared vision" can turn a bad marriage into a good one and a good one into a GREAT one! And, the benefits of finding a central driving force in your relationship go way beyond even thriving together! In this episode we will discuss:

• How our lives look normally ... including ours
• What a "shared vision" looks like
• What a next level shared vision looks like
• And, we are going to share a downloadable tool you can use to start the process of leveling up your relationship!

We do want to get you started creating a shared dream together so we put together a "Bucket List Exercise" downloadable pdf to prompt your discussion with each other! You can download this exercise by Clicking Here! 

Thank you for joining us for this episode. Click Here to watch the YouTube video!

The Fundamentals for Building A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage!

Hey gang ...

Welcome to Your Marriage Matters episode 133 - The Fundamentals for Building A More Vibrant, Healthy Marriage! Since we are doing a "restart" on the podcast, and new YouTube channel. we felt like it was important to go back to the fundamentals as a reset for everything we are going to be covering in the days and weeks ahead!

The fundamentals we are going to be covering during this episode are simple but powerful! They are:

• Create a "shared vision" for creating a compelling life together!
• Master the critical skill of communicating effectively!
• Master the equally critical skill of being able to solve life's inevitable problems together!

In this episode we discuss these from a bit of a 30,000ft view! In future episodes we will get into much more depth with very practical, real world skills anyone can learn!

We do want to get you started creating a shared dream together so we put together a "Bucket List Exercise" downloadable pdf to prompt your discussion with each other! You can download this exercise by Clicking Here! 

Thank you for joining us for this episode. Click Here to watch the YouTube video!

Catch you next week ...

What is up? We are so very excited to be back podcasting after a little over a year of. So many things have happened during 2021 we wanted to catch you up on everything.

Plus, we really wanted to give you a preview of what lies ahead in 2022 ... it is so exciting! Our focus is going to be taking our relationship to an entirely new level. In this podcast we give you a little insight into just what that is going to take!

Click Here To Watch the Podcast!

Here is just some of what lies ahead!

• We will launch our first book “52 Conversations” on Valentine’s Day
• We will be interviewing extraordinary couples at least once a month to learn how the went to the “next level”
• We will be doing regularly scheduled marriage training webinars
• We will launch our first online marriage course in the spring
• We hope you will join us and invite others to join us as well!
  • Click Here to subscribe to the YouTube channel
  • Click Here to join the Your Marriage Matters Facebook group
  • Click Here To Sign Up for Our Newsletter and have all of our resources sent to your inbox! 
  • Or, do all three!!

Are you set to make the most of 2021? Answer these 4 questions and we promise you will be! To say the least 2020 has been a really tough year! So, how do we turn the page and make the next year something special in our lives. 

Take the time to do this simple exercise we are sharing with you over the next 2 weeks and you can make your 2021 something extra special!!!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

With all of the craziness that we have experienced in 2020 how in the heck can you be thankful this Thanksgiving? Well, if you know anything about Team Jacobus then get ready! We are going to show you how you can be thankful no matter what!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

It is a week after the elections of 2020 and we still aren't sure who is president. One side says they have won and the other says it was stolen!

So, what can we do? We focus on what is within our control and we take action! We make things, good things, happen that we can dictate. 

Today we give you some very important strategies and tactics to deal with these very uncertain times!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

In this episode, an excerpt from our webinar "Tough Talk for Tough Times", we look at what it takes to have each other's back no matter what.

Believe it or not, what helps us bond together as a team is understanding how imperfect we both are separately and how strong we are together! 

We trust you will enjoy this episode!

Jim & Christie Jacobus 

In this episode we are going to talk about the power of a Shared Vision! We are wrapping up our first long road trip since we went to full time living in a RV.

So, it seems appropriate that we share how your shared vision can propel your life, and your marriage, forward as well! We encourage and challenge you to work at developing this skill of dreaming big together so that you can build a more vibrant, healthy marriage and experience everything, and more, you dreamed of when you said "I Do"!

Jim & Christie Jacobus 

Fight NAKED Our Best Marital Advice! This weeks episode is another excerpt from our recent webinar "Tough Talk for Tough Times" and it is a great acronym N A K E D that we use to teach one way to handle the inevitable conflict that is a part of every healthy relationship!

If the acronym doesn't work the try, literally, fighting naked. It will stop any argument in its tracks!

We trust you will really enjoy this episode!

Jim & Christie Jacobus 

This is a "Tough Talk for Tough Times" (a webinar excerpt) ... I Am NOT Your Enemy!

One of the very best strategies Christie and Jim have learned in the last couple of years. Once we decide we are not "against" each other during tough times but actually on the same team ... it is a game changer!

We trust you will enjoy this episode!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

We get this question way too often but, the answer is always the same ... absolutely!

A heads up ... you are going to get two very different answers from Christie the professional counselor and Jim the coach and Divorce Care teacher and that's ok. You may find one answer more to your liking than the other!

What you will find the same coming from both of them is that it may not be easy and it may take a while, that said, we promise you it will be worth it!

If you want to sign up for the "Tough Talk for Tough Times" webinar go to www.yourmarriagematters.com/webinar1

We trust you will enjoy this episode! 

Jim & Christie Jacobus 

Are You In A Season of Struggle? Has 2020 created a challenge for your your marriage?

No worries ... not only can you survive all of this craziness, you can actually thrive! In this episode we share with you 5 tips you can use today to get and keep your relationships vibrant and health!

To register for the "Tough Talk for Tough Times" webinar on Wednesday, October 7th at 7p CST go to www.yourmarriagematters.com/webinar1.

We look forward to your joining us!

Jim & Christie Jacobus 

We learned a long time ago that every audience member, face to face or virtual, has the same 3 questions going through their mind when listening to us. In this episode we will answer those 3 questions! 

Who Are We? Why Are We Here? And Why Should You Care? Well, we definitely want you to know more about who we are and why we do these episodes but more importantly we want to answer the question ... why should you care! 

We trust this recording will encourage you in your relationship!

Jim & Christie Jacobus 

What does it take for a couple, like the Jacobus' to successfully complete an incredible 3,700+ mile journey of a lifetime from Arlington, Texas to Bar Harbor Maine?

It takes the same Mindsets, Strategies, Tactics and Skill Sets that it does to build an incredible marriage. In this episode we will share with you the 5 critical Mindsets that we can all work on and leverage to build the life together we dreamed of when we said "I do"!

We invite you to join us on Facebook at Your Marriage Matters for more fun and valuable resources!

We trust you will enjoy this episode! 

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Yes ... you can find the video of this podcast on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5uhr3weF9GzCwyJbkITJOw

In this episode we talk about why YOUR Marriage Matters to so many people including yourself and we give you some tips on how to make it it the one you dreamed of when you said "I do"! 

YouTube here we come!!!

 
Jim & Christie Jacobus