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Your Marriage Matterz

Hey gang! Welcome to Your Marriage Matterz with Team Jacobus This podcast is dedicated to couples that want to get the most out of this crazy thing we call marriage! Each episode is designed to guide us in a fun and exciting way through the skills, strategies, tactics and mindset we need to build a compelling life together! Our goal is for all of us to create the vibrant and healthy marriages we all dreamed of when we said “I do”. Welcome to Your Marriage Matterz with Jim and Christie Jacobus!
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Now displaying: February, 2015

"We Are Dedicated To Building Vibrant Healthy Marriages!"

Feb 26, 2015

Hey gang …

We have another great conversation topic for you this week!

If you were given an extra hour in a day,

what would you do with it?

 

This is a great conversation for couples to have…

·      It can really help us understand what we value, which can definitely be enlightening!

·      It can remind us that there are finite amounts of things we have control over and one of those is our time and how we spend it.

·      If you first talk about what your goals for your marriage are, then “what you do with your time” can be a better conversation.

·      There will be seasons in our lives where time needs to be used differently but no matter what stage you are in, how you choose to spend your time individually and together is important.

·      Are you investing time…or are you killing time?

·      In discussing how we choose to use our time, it is important to explore if we feel the need to get too many things accomplished in a day and are we making sure to save time to rest and relax.

·      One of the struggles can be finding a balance between what we “want” to do and what we “need” to do.  Do you make sure to carve out time to simply be together?

 

Our Listener Question of the Week” is:

My fiancée is very spontaneous and I am much more of a planner.  How do we resolve the problems created by this?

Our Fun Question of the Week” is:

List one fun activity you would like to try.

Listen in to the podcast and get Jim and Christie’s answers to these as well as more information about their insights on “time”.  That’s it for podcast #006. Have some fun with this conversation and continue committing to growing your very own healthy, vibrant, life long marriage!

Sincerely,

 

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Feb 20, 2015

Welcome everyone to Your Marriage Matters (YMM) podcast #004! 

Conversation of the Week: Who has been the biggest influence on the person you have become?  Why?  How?  We all come in to relationships bringing with us people and places that have been influential in our lives.  This is a great conversation to have early in a relationship.  Some influences have been good, yet some have been bad and understanding those plus and minuses helps us understand what makes each other tick. 

According to our good friend Randy Gage, “we are the sum total of the 5 people we spend the most time with”.  Think of parents and friends while you were growing up, we are kind of the average of those people.  Another thing to talk about is that we bring with us family and influences when we start a relationship and getting to know this information helps us understand what we love about each other as well as things we may struggle with.  It is important to know about the negative influences in each other’s lives as well because they definitely have a huge impact on who we have become. 

The other part to this conversation is becoming very aware of who we let in to our lives going forward, both individually and as a couple.  Build friendships that will help you grow as a couple.  In going through this conversation, it is important to remember that you are not chained to your past.  As you start a life together, it is like unpacking and repacking your bags.  Become a student of each other, learn who they are and why. 

 In going through this conversation, be aware that it is very critical to learn to trust each others judgment about the people you choose to hang out with.  Also if there are any relationships you bring in to the marriage that is strained for one of you, talk about it and work through it early on.

 Listener Question of the Week?  Is it a problem if we have very different childhood experiences?  I

Fun Question of the Week? Name the person you would most like to meet.

Homework for the weekTalk about the 5 people who are currently the most influential in your life and why.

Talk with you next time,

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Feb 19, 2015

Hey gang ...

Great conversation for everyone this week! 

What were the prevalent faith and belief systems in your home growing up?

This is a critical conversation for a couple of reasons ...

  1. Important to know what they are and how they might impact our marriages moving forward!
  2. We want to make sure that there aren't any "deal breakers" and if so now is the time to talk about them!

Some of our thoughts on this subject are;

  • The fact that we might have differing belief systems or faiths can be an issue in the success of our marriage!
  • They can also bring strengths to our lives moving forward.
  • Learning to respect and appreciate our backgrounds as a part of who we are is an important lesson to learn in a number of areas including this one!

Our "Listener Question of the Week" is;

We attended one of your "Prepare To Last" classes and clearly going to church is what you do! Why do you think going to church is so important?

So, that's it for podcast #005. Now go and enjoy this conversation this week and continue committing to growing your very own healthy, vibrant, life long marriage!

Sincerely,

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Feb 16, 2015

YOUR MARRIAGE MATTERS

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby!

YMM #003

Welcome to Your Marriage Matters podcast #003 with Jim & Christie Jacobus.  We have a great question today.  We are going to talk about sex and how important that conversation is! 

Our conversation of the week is: I think sex should occur ______ number of times per week! 

We think this conversations is so important because sex is more to this questions than just about sex, it is also about expectations.  Discussing this topic in our pre-marital classes we always point out that “sex is a lot like money, if you have all you want it is no big problem; if you don’t have all you want it is a huge problem”. 

In one of our sessions there was a person who responded with 50 times per week, which truly is an unrealistic expectation.  The intended partner answered with 2 times per week.  As you can see by this example, discussions about sex and expectations is so important. 

We should learn to freely discuss this topic, what we like and dislike, what our expectations are.  One of the great things about sex is it brings us together as one, therefore we should be able to discuss this keeping in mind our differences as male and female as well as the unique individuals we are. 

We want to help you get comfortable with this very difficult conversation as well as many more like it.  Coming from a medical standpoint there are times when a physical or mental challenge presents itself, and those times need to be discussed as well or see the need for expert advise.  Bottom line, sex is a wonderful gift we need to be able to talk about and how we treat this gift has a lot to do with how much we are able to enjoy the gift.

There are a few things/hurdles we need to be aware of during this conversation?  Differences, beliefs, attitudes can affect this conversation.  There can be things in one’s past that makes it difficult to discuss or painful.  It is important to be respectful of that. 

Another thing to contemplate is the old saying “women need to feel love to have sex and men need to have sex to feel love”.  If we are selfish and self centered, in opposite corners of the ring on this, theen nobody gets what they want and need out of sex. 

Here is our “Listener Question of the Week”?

We have been told that we should stop having sex for 90 days before we get married.  What do you guys think about this? 

Tune in to hear what Jim and Christie have to say about this awesome question!

If you have a question you would like to give us, go to www.your marriage-matter.com/qif

Our “Fun Question of the Week”?

Would you prefer a vacation in Hawaii or Europe? 

In closing, thanks for joining us for this podcast.  We sincerely challenge you to commit to each other that you will take the time to have these types of difficult and important conversations and your relationship will continue to get better, because Your Marriage Matters! 

 Jim & Christie Jacobus

Feb 16, 2015

Welcome gang to Your Marriage Matters (YMM) podcast #002!

 Conversation of the Week: What are your plans to handle money after you are married?  This can definitely be a very difficult conversation.  It is critical because it is one of the tough ones and it sets up so many important things down the road.  Having a plan regarding your financial resources is key for having a successful marriage. 

Questions such as who is going to handle the bill paying and will you have joint or separate checking accounts is a good place to start in order to have clear expectations.  Whether you have a lot or a little, learning to manage money together will help in avoiding it becoming a problem.  Exploring how you each grew up around money, what did and didn’t work, and your own philosophies regarding money is a great exercise in communication and can help in the decision making. 

Make sure it isn’t just about the facts and figures, but also the attitudes and beliefs about money.  Budget, budget, budget….extremely important in your plan for money matters.  This creates an awareness that can help avoid stress and it creates a co-awareness that is ideal for being a successful couple. 

 If you are struggling with this conversation, be aware that each of you may come at this differently and that doesn’t mean that either of you is wrong.  Realize that you have to be open and transparent and that in doing so it will make your marriage stronger.  Because if you can handle this tough one, you will know that you have good communication skills and that you are developing some great conflict resolution skills!  One thing we highly recommend is that no matter what system you use to handle money, passwords on those accounts should be not be private.  Don’t create financial infidelity!

 Listener Question of the Week?  Money is very tight for us right now, so what is one piece of advice you would give couples on a limited budget?  

Fun Question of the Week? What is the one item you like to splurge on?  

Homework for the weekAnswer and talk about these questions:

  • -Are you a spender or a saver?
  • -What plan are you going to have for a budget?

Talk with you next time,

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Feb 14, 2015

Your Marriage Matters

Podcast Zero!

Meet the Jacobus’

 

Welcome to the very first Your Marriage Matters (YMM) podcast! We are so excited about launching this, so we are doing it TODAY on Valentine’s Day which is also our anniversary! 

In this inaugural podcast, we want to answer 3 very important questions:

  • -Who are the Jacobus’?
  • -What is this podcast about?
  • -Why should you as a seriously dating couple or engaged to be married couple care?

Who Are The Jacobus’? – We are Jim & Christie and have been married for 28 years on 2/14/2015.  We live in Sugar Land, Texas just outside of Houston.  One of the struggles we have had together has been with infertility; however we do have 1 son from Jim’s previous marriage so we are blessed.  Our son, Jason, is 30 years old and is married to an awesome bride Caitlyn. They have one son Loklan and another child is due in August! 

Christie is a nurse that works for the Memorial Hermann system where she is a nurse educator.  She is also an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) with Barnhill & Associated Counseling Center.  Christie focuses on working with married couples but her biggest passion is “pre-marrieds”!  Guys you are going to love listening to Christie because she brings a sweet, passionate, and patient voice to the podcast. 

Jim is a CSP, Certified Professional Speaker, and speaks at conferences literally all over the world!  He is also the Chief Content Officer at TheSalesGladiators.com which is a membership sales training site for sales professionals.  Jim has been heavily involved in teaching Divorce Care for several years and loves leading that study and giving people hope for their future!  You are going to love hearing from Jim because of his dedication, expertise, and passion for marriage.

What is this podcast about? – You can find these podcasts on ITunes and www.yourmarriage-matters.com.  Not only are we going sharing information with you via the podcasts, but we will also be blogging!  Each week the podcast comes straight from our book 101 Conversations Every Couple Should Have Before They Get Married!  These questions come from 10 different categories we cover when we teach our pre-married workshops and conferences.  Some are going to be fairly easy and some could be a little difficult. 

We will be encouraging you to have conversations about things like communications, conflict resolution, money, sex, family, parenting, roles and responsibilities and much, much more!  Each week we will introduce a conversation from the book, talk about why that conversation matters, give you some guidelines for having the conversation, and let you know if there are any hurdles you should watch out for.  Then we are going to answer 1 listener question each week from you guys so bring on your toughest questions!  To leave a question go to www.yourmarriage-matters.com/qif and let us know what you want to know!  And then we will send you off with a fun question to deal with as well!

So, Why should you care? - We have been involved in marriage work for the last 15 years and the two biggest challenges we see in failed marriages are:

  • -Inability to communicate – transparently, openly, and safely about any and every thing
  • -Inability to solve problems or resolve conflict within the marriage 

We chose this route because we care about you and your marriage and we thought this would be the best way to help keep you out of the counselors office and out of divorce court and most importantly help you build a healthy and vibrant marriage that lasts a lifetime!

In closing, Christie’s hope for everyone listening is that they will learn and grow and develop the skills needed to have the marriage you dream of.  And Jim hopes to share that marriage is indeed challenging but when done properly it can be the most fulfilling thing ever - being invested in each other’s life because it doesn’t get much better than that.  We care about you and your marriages and want you to build a lasting legacy that will be passed down to your children and their children.

Hope you enjoy this first podcast and begin looking forward to what’s coming up.

Jim & Christie Jacobus

Feb 6, 2015

Hey folks ...

Welcome to our very first podcast! We are launching this show on Valentine's Day 2015 which just happens to be our 28th wedding anniversary! Yep, we were married 28 years ago today in a hot air baloon and felt it would be fitting to kick off the podcast as an anniversary gift to each other.

In this week's podcast we are going to tackle the conversation - "What are your plans for growth, both personally and professionally, individually and as a couple, after you get married! Having an understanding of and a plan for continual growth after you "tie the knot" is critical to a vibrant, healthy relationship.

So, listen to the podcast and then sit down and have your discussion. We think you will find it valuable to know what each other has in mind as far as long term growth is concerned!

The Listener Question of the Week - What are the Jacobus' plans for growing in 2015?

Enjoy your conversation this week!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

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