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Your Marriage Matterz

Hey gang! Welcome to Your Marriage Matterz with Team Jacobus This podcast is dedicated to couples that want to get the most out of this crazy thing we call marriage! Each episode is designed to guide us in a fun and exciting way through the skills, strategies, tactics and mindset we need to build a compelling life together! Our goal is for all of us to create the vibrant and healthy marriages we all dreamed of when we said “I do”. Welcome to Your Marriage Matterz with Jim and Christie Jacobus!
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Now displaying: November, 2015

"We Are Dedicated To Building Vibrant Healthy Marriages!"

Nov 25, 2015

Welcome! Today’s episode is an outgrowth of what Christy has learned by recently attending the Gottman Certification Training, and what Jim has learned from reading Dr. John Gottman’s book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. We didn’t plan to focus on Gottman’s principles simultaneously, but it just worked out that way. We found out that we are actually doing his seven principles, but we aren’t doing them INTENTIONALLY. Gottman’s principles of making marriage work are based on much intentionality in the relationship. If you aren’t familiar with Dr. Gottman, then you may not know that he is a leading researcher in the science of marriage. He and his wife, Julie, run the Gottman Institute and the Love Lab, which is a center for scientific research on marriage and relationships.

From a list of many questions, today we are focusing on these Six Questions to ask each other:

  1. What is your partner’s favorite way to spend an evening?
  2. What is one of your partner’s concerns or worries?
  3. What is your partner’s favorite dream that is yet unachieved?
  4. What personal improvements does your partner want to make in their life?
  5. What is one of the ways your partner is soothed or comforted?
  6. What was your partner’s favorite vacation? (Also our Fun Question of the Week)

If you want to build a Sound Relationship House, then you have to know the other person and pursue making your marriage better. So much of the work we need to do involves simple listening and being in each other’s world. We hope these questions will be the basis for good conversations that will help you get to know your partner better. Thanks for listening!

 

Nov 19, 2015

Welcome! Believe it or not, the holidays are fast approaching! Today’s topic we want you to consider involves putting some thought into YOUR holiday celebrations as a couple.

*What are three things that you want to make sure that you personally get to do during the holidays?

Consider the following about this topic:

  • This topic must be agreed upon together, and requires discussion, negotiation, and planning.
  • It’s a critical conversation that speaks to our wants, needs, desires, values, and beliefs.
  • The holidays are a great opportunity for you and your spouse to start your own traditions together.
  • Each celebration is important: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day.
  • Mapping things out NOW may eliminate conflict LATER.
  • There may be a conflict between partners, but it’s a time to be sacrificial and willing to compromise.
  • This is an opportunity to drill deep about beliefs concerning religion and the holidays.
  • “Just because it’s different doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.”

To complete this assignment, do the following:

  • Write down your three things.
  • Share them together with your partner.
  • Negotiate and create a plan.
  • Find at least one NEW tradition to start together.

Remember, the holidays are coming FAST! You cannot wait to address this issue in your relationship. The time is now!

Listener Question of the Week: What is your partner’s favorite holiday?

Fun Question of the Week: What is your favorite Christmas gift that you’ve ever received?

Nov 12, 2015

Welcome!  Today’s topic is one that requires more transparency and vulnerability than some that we’ve covered. Have an open mind and approach with honesty!

Here is the question to consider: What is one habit that you would like to change about yourself, and why?

There are several reasons that this is an important issue:

  • Some habits of your partner could be problematic in the relationship.
  • Some habits may NOT change after marriage and you can’t expect things to change.
  • This topic requires that we look inside ourselves instead of pointing at the other person.
  • This is an opportunity to help each other get better.
  • Caution: If any habit is a deal-breaker for you, then make sure to deal with it BEFORE marriage!
  • This is an opportunity to strive to “Be the best version of yourself that you can be.”

How do we change habits? There are five steps: self-awareness, self-regulation (discipline), motivation, empathy, and social skills.

Your assignment is to set a time to get together and discuss today’s question.  Find out what your partner can do to help you, and vice versa. Have a follow-through plan of how to proceed in a positive manner.

Listener Question of the Week: How do you handle the chores that neither one of you likes to do?

Fun Question of the Week: What is one wedding tradition that you’ve seen that you really like?

Nov 5, 2015

Welcome!  We just wrapped up two different “Prepare to Last” classes with engaged couples. Check out our website for upcoming dates for classes and retreats. Our topic today is an outgrowth of the recent classes because much discussion happens concerning how we spend our money and how we view our partner’s spending.

Here is today’s question to tackle with your partner: What do you think are three things that are a waste of money?

  • This topic truly speaks to each person’s values.
  • This conversation is an important one to have—and EARLY in the relationship!
  • You may not fully agree.  For example, Jim values guns, but Christy values purses.  Listen as Jim and Christy explain how to approach these viewpoints.
  • Lay out some ground rules concerning spending.
  • Approach money with some degree of logic.
  • None of us are totally faultless in wasting money!

This is a great date night conversation and not one that is too heavy. Consider these two questions and answers as part of your conversation:

  • What does money represent to you? (Security, status, etc.)
  • What IS a waste of money? (Interest on credit cards, renting a home, etc.)

Listener Question of the Week:  We are about 8-9 months away from getting married, and we are dealing with a serious drug and alcohol addiction problem. What do you think we ought to do?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is one thing you’d like to have for Christmas?

 

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