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Your Marriage Matterz

Hey gang! Welcome to Your Marriage Matterz with Team Jacobus This podcast is dedicated to couples that want to get the most out of this crazy thing we call marriage! Each episode is designed to guide us in a fun and exciting way through the skills, strategies, tactics and mindset we need to build a compelling life together! Our goal is for all of us to create the vibrant and healthy marriages we all dreamed of when we said “I do”. Welcome to Your Marriage Matterz with Jim and Christie Jacobus!
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"We Are Dedicated To Building Vibrant Healthy Marriages!"

Oct 29, 2015

Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast #019 from the book, “101 Conversations Every Couple should have before they Marry.” This podcast explores how you will individually and together approach decisions related to religion and spiritual matters.

 

Conversations of the Week - What do you think is the biggest threats you bring to your marriage, and what are you willing to do about it?

 

This question takes the topic from last week about the threats to your marriage, and it makes it personal.  

 

Why is it important?

 

This gives you an opportunity to identify your SWOTs.  What are your Strengths, Weaknesses Opportunities and Threats?Once you know what they are you can deal with them.

 

It also creates a heightened sense of self awareness.  This allows you to focus only on your SWOTS.

 

What do we need to consider when we have this conversation?

  • We bring things to the marriage that are good and bad
  • We can’t fix what we won’t acknowledge
  • We gain confidence in our marriage.  
  • Your marriage that “the team” is going to face these challenges  head up! 
  • We all need grace for the things we struggle with.  We can ask each other for assistance.
  • The intentionality of dealing with something you know you struggle with is important.

The willingness to be vulnerable with your threats also creates a greater sense of intimacy.  Being a safe person for your partner to share their weaknesses will create deeper bonds.  

 

Once you make this investment in each other and look at the threats, you really build a deeper commitment to your relationship.  

 

Listener Question of the Week - Why can’t he just let me vent?

Sometimes we bring up conversations just to be heard.  We don’t want it to be fixed, and we don’t expect anything to be done about it.  The process of verbalizing the issue is therapeutic in itself.  

 

When venting starts, a guys should ask “do you want me to fix it or do you want to vent?”.  Once the answer is “just vent”, turn your “fix it” button off and just listen and be supportive.  

 

Determining whether you are there to fix it or just to listen and support will save both of you frustration.  

 

Fun Question of the Week - What’s your favorite part of Summer?

 

Christie likes the outdoor activities in the sun.

 

Jim loves the July 4th holiday and all the activities that go along with it.

 

 

We hope this is a great conversation and you spend the time to really understand your partner’s beliefs and attitudes.

 

Have a great week gang!

 

Jim & Christie

Oct 22, 2015

Welcome!  Today’s episode is about Holidays.  Where will you spend them?  Have you and your spouse had this important conversation?  This topic involves the expectations you have of your marriage and ties to family beliefs and traditions.  There are several variables to consider:  stepfamilies, geographic location, travel, and children.  This topic is best addressed before marriage and is certainly one that requires couples to work together.  

Consider the following about your holiday plans:

  • Assess what the different holidays and traditions mean to each of you.
  • Try to begin new traditions with your partner.  Remember that your marriage relationship comes before any other family ties.
  • Once you make decisions, “have each other’s backs” and don’t blame the other partner.
  • Negotiate “win-win” situations for both of you.
  • “Rate the debate” based on how important each element is to you: 1st choice, 2nd choice, and 3rd choice.
  • Establish communication and exercise your problem-solving skills.
  • This is NOT the time to be selfish and demanding!

What can you expect if you handle this conversation well?  

  • You achieve teamwork and unity with your spouse in the eyes of friends and family.
  • You may end up enjoying the family traditions and the bonding opportunities with your spouse’s family.

Listener Question of the Week:  I am really frustrated.  My fiancé and I have been together for several years and have been through many birthdays and holidays.  He likes to give practical gifts, and I like fun, crazy gifts.  What are your recommendations as to what to do?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is your idea of a great gift?

 

Oct 15, 2015

This week's episode is a #TBT where we take a look at one of our more popular episodes  about handling conflict and how you should work to resolve it in your relationship.

 

 

 

Oct 8, 2015

Welcome!  Today we’re tackling a tough conversation: Money.  Stay with us to learn more!

**What are three things you like to spend money on and three things you think are a waste of money?

  • Each partner should create their own list separately, and then share together and compare answers.
  • Learn how to deal with this subject together.
  • Attend a Dave Ramsey workshop on managing finances.
  • Express your needs, wants, and desires and listen to your partner’s needs, wants, and desires.
  • This is an opportunity to learn from each other, but don’t use it to judge each other.
  • Hear and understand the other person’s point of view.
  • Examine your own thoughts about the topic before you share with your partner.
  • Analyze habits of spending, saving, and giving.

Listener Question of the Week:  You are always talking about Dave Ramsey’s course.  What are the things you like best about it?

Fun Question of the Week:  If money were no object, what would you be doing right now?

**New Prepare to Last marriage classes are starting up.  Visit www.riverpoint.org for more information.

Oct 1, 2015

Welcome!  I’m doing the podcast solo today, as Christie is a little under the weather.  Consider the following quote:  “We should all be a little bit embarrassed about who we were five years ago.”  What I mean by that is that we should never stop growing, developing, and transforming ourselves.  This thought fits into our discussion topic for today, which is primarily aimed at the men, but also can be a guideline for women as they seek a life partner.

**Three Things every man needs to pursue to be a great spouse or partner:

  1. The BEST version of yourself that you can be
    1. Keep growing and getting better.
    2. Be aware of strengths and challenges.
    3. Become growth-focused instead of problem-focused.
    4. “Learning means living.”  You should be learning and growing until your dying breath!
  2. Someone who is “other-focused”
  3. Unconditional Love for your partner

--Covenant Love says, “I will love you no matter what.”  Contract Love says, “I will love you IF . . .”

Listener Question of the Week:  I have some guy friends that like to go out together from time to time, and she doesn’t like it.  What do you think?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is the one thing you love most about Christie?

Sep 24, 2015

Welcome!  Today’s show is coming to you live from Branson, MO, because we are on the road.  Unfortunately, Jim is not feeling well and has been battling a cold.  His illness gives us the basis for our question to consider this week.

List three things I need to know about you when you aren’t feeling well.  Consider the following as you give your answer:

  • Sicknesses and injuries are part of life.
  • How you handle each other’s sickness is a big deal.
  • It’s important to know each other’s expectations.
  • This conversation will help you know how to comfort your partner physically and emotionally.
  • Some people want to be left alone when sick, and others want lots of attention.
  • These difficulties are a great chance to “step up” for each other.
  • Remember, “sick” can be ill, injured, or emotionally unwell.

As you have this conversation, you will learn more about each other.  What do I need when I’m not feeling well?  What does my partner want when they are sick?  Now, think about it and discuss this topic with your partner.

Listener Question of the Week:  How do you know when you should see a doctor and when you should treat at home?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is your favorite comfort food and why?

 

 

Sep 17, 2015

Hey gang ...

Welcome to this week's episode of Your Marriage Matters for couples who are seriously dating or engaged to be married. We are dedicated to helping you build a healthy, vibrant relationship that will last a lifetime!

This week we are going to deal with the inevitable reality of the inevitable challenges and conflicts that will come up in our relationship! Trust us it is better to do it now rather than later. This week's conversation, from our 101 Conversations EVERY Couple Should Have Before They Get Married book, is as follows;

"What challenges or conflicts ...

have you encountered in your relationship and how have you worked together to resolve them"?

relationships arent perfect

In this podcast we are going to give you two really important reasons why this is an important conversation. And, we will give you a couple of real world techniques you can use to help you process differences in a positive and productive way.

When it is all said and done there is nothing wrong with having conflict. As a matter of fact we are really concerned when a couple says they don't fight or argue about anything! That is a big red flag!

The question becomes ... "are you fighting in your relationship or fighting for your relationship"? The first will kill your connection to each other and the latter will make it stronger!

We hope you enjoy this week's episode!

Sep 10, 2015

Welcome!  Today’s conversation is an easier one than some, but it is still vitally important.  

Consider the question:  What are three things that make for a great date and why?

Let the following ideas prompt your thoughts:

  • How we spend our “spare” time is important!
  • Dates are to connect, communicate, and relax together.
  • We must be intentional about the fun in our lives.
  • We can create memories together.
  • This will give you clues about what your partner likes.
  • The bottom line is still COMMUNICATION!
  • Hidden problems surface when one partner ALWAYS does what the other wants to do.
  • Both partners should be equally involved in the planning.
  • Dates don’t have to be elaborate or fancy.
  • What do you like to do?
  • What does your partner enjoy?

The results will be increased insight into your partner and more intention to the fun!  “Never, Ever Stop Dating!”

Listener Question of the Week:  What do we do if we don’t have a lot of similar hobbies?

 

Fun Question of the Week:  What are three things you think make for a great date?

Sep 3, 2015

Welcome!  Today’s topic comes from our book, 101 Conversations Every Couple Should Have Before They Get Married.  

List 10 qualities you look for in the marriage partner you will spend the rest of your life with.

This is an important, but challenging conversation and one that will take some time to accomplish.  It’s an opportunity to get insight into your partner’s expectations.  It will alert you to red flags and non-negotiables in your relationship.  Remember, the time to discover those non-negotiables is BEFORE you get married.

We all remember  “Y2K,” but, regarding marriage, think of “Why3A.”

  • Why Me?
  • Why You?
  • Why Now?

Ask yourself the following questions to prompt your thoughts about your list of 10 qualities:

  • What are your “must-haves”?
  • How well can you collaborate?
  • Do you agree together about some values?
  • Can you value what your partner values?

So, your challenge is to make the list, and then take the time to discuss it with your partner.  It will identify things that require heavy conversations.  Listen in for more!

Listener Question of the Week:  How do you create a BIG vision for your marriage?

 

Fun Question of the Week:  What is your biggest fear?

Aug 27, 2015

Welcome!  Today we’re addressing an important question; it’s so important that we’ve included it in our book, 101 Conversations Every Couple Ought to Have Before They Get Married.  

What are some of your favorite memories growing up?

This question is important for the following reasons:

  • You will get to know your future spouse in a deeper way.
  • You will get a good perspective on how they see their formative years.
  • You will understand where they got their beliefs and values.
  • You will gain great insight into each other.
  • You will have an opportunity to be open and transparent about small, simple things and huge things like family traditions and holidays.
  • Even if your family dynamics differ (Like Jim and Christie!), you will understand their family heritage, connection, and what things were meaningful parts of their lives.

The assignment is to write down 2-3 favorite memories, even if they aren’t all positive ones.  Discuss them together, because these are things you need to know about your future spouse.

Listener Question of the Week:  What are some of the red flags you see in couples that make you worry about them?

 

Fun Question of the Week:  If the house is burning down, but all people and pets are safe, what is one thing you would try to save?

Aug 20, 2015

Welcome!  We sometimes talk about “Team Jacobus,” but we really are a team, as any marriage should be.  A team is stronger when relying on each other, standing shoulder to shoulder to face whatever comes.  We’ve been working in our book and decided today to talk about an important topic in marriage:  Roles and Responsibilities.  Essentially, we are discussing how you function together to accomplish things in your household and your marriage.

Here is the question:  What are the strengths you bring to the marriage regarding roles and responsibilities?

We want to model this for you by listing some things that we respect about each other’s strengths:

  • Jim’s strengths:  (from Christie)
    • Makes decisions quickly
    • Uses data and takes action
    • Very handy around the house
    • A fearless learner who explores and finds out more
  • Christie’s strengths:  (from Jim)
    • Cautious about decision-making
    • Displays nursing abilities
    • Is a great bargain hunter

Your assignment is to write down 3-4 things you admire and respect about each other.  Then have the discussion and share them with each other.  

As a result of this conversation, you will be able to categorize tasks and decide what will be hired out.  You will be an encouragement to each other and become strategic about running your household as a team.  It’s a win-win, so give it a try!  Thanks for joining us!

Listener Question of the Week:  Why is having a relationship so damn hard?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is your favorite chore around the house?

 

 

Aug 13, 2015

Welcome!  After attending Podcast Movement 2015 recently, we’ve learned about new things we want to bring to the podcast.  One of those is to have interviews with experts and counselors that can help all of us in marriage and relationships.  We start with those interviews today!  Jim is interviewing his first—and favorite—guest, Christie!

Christie shares the following about her growing up years and career:

  • Born in Corpus Christi, Texas, Christie grew up in a family with a mother, father, and older brother.
  • Christie attended nursing school at the University of Texas and then ended up working at a hospital in Houston after graduation.
  • She held several different nursing jobs, then transitioned into education and counseling, securing a master’s degree.
  • Through the scope of Christie’s career work, she has been able to see the holistic aspect of health in the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual areas.
  • Christie concentrates her work today in counseling, especially enjoying her work with premarital counseling and education.
  • Christie recently finished up a four-week series called “Prepare to Last,” working with six couples.  
  • Interestingly enough, the state of Texas provides a $60 discount off marriage license fees to couples who attend premarital counseling classes!
  • Christie’s top tip for pre-married couples is to spend time together having the difficult conversations about the tough issues in marriage.

You don’t want to miss Christie’s moving story that wraps up this episode!  It’s a beautiful true story every married person should hear about “Grace.”  Listen in for more!

Listener Question of the Week:  How do you handle the differences in your religious traditions?

 

Fun Question of the Week:  What types of games do you like to play with friends or family?

Aug 6, 2015

Welcome!  We’ve been traveling a lot lately, and we’ve just returned from the Podcast Movement 2015 in Fort Worth, TX.  We had a great time, met some great people and learned a lot about how to make this podcast better.  The best aspect of the conference was to attend TOGETHER.  You’ve heard us discuss the importance of putting yourself in a learning environment as a COUPLE, and we are thankful we were able to do so.

Here are some of the highlights of what we learned at the conference:

  • There is ALWAYS something new to learn!
  • In doing a podcast, it’s important to structure your content properly.
  • You should create a podcast that YOU would want to hear.
  • Be willing to change when needed to bring value to listeners.
  • Always tap into resources that can help.
  • Podcasts should be user-friendly and interesting!
  • There are some things we are doing right and some things we need to improve.
  • Our goal is to share our message.
  • From any learning environment, you should walk out with new skills.
  • You can gain new inspiration from witnessing the passion of others.
  • Attending an event/conference allows you to connect with a lot of different people.

Attending the conference as a couple allowed us to strengthen our team, to share conversations and perspective, and to gain a shared vision for the future.

**Your assignment is to find three things that you can do together or learn about together.  Enter into each other’s world and interests; this will bring your relationship closer together.

Listener Question of the Week:  You guys talk a lot about learning.  I am a passionate learner; I love to read, take classes, and things like that.  My potential spouse doesn’t seem to be interested in any of those things or even in listening to this podcast, reading books, or learning at all!  What are your thoughts?

 

Another Learning Question:  What are 1-2 books that you’ve read in the last couple of years that have had an impact or that you’ve loved?

Jul 30, 2015

5 Ways to Make a Great Marriage--#028

Welcome!  Our topic today came from a discussion we had on a car trip recently as we returned from visiting family.  We began talking about what it takes to make a great marriage, and then we made a list and condensed it down to five basic tips.  Again, sometimes it’s difficult to have these conversations, but the results are worth the work.  Join us!

  1. Have shared vision and goals.  Of course, there is room for individuality in a marriage, but there should be things you want to accomplish as a team.  Ask the following questions:  Where do you want to be five years from now?  Are we on the same path?  Do we want the same things?
  2. Make your marriage a priority.  This is THE most important relationship in your life, so spend time together.  “Happy Marriage=Happy Life”
  3. Develop a high level of trust in each other.  Have transparency and openness, and share fears and concerns.  BE a trustworthy person.
  4. Commit to constant learning and growth.  Learn about your spouse, about marriage, about life in general.  Dedicate yourself to personal growth and couple growth.
  5. Have faith in something bigger than yourself.  Shared faith as a couple is important.  For us, this is faith in Jesus Christ, but it may vary for others.  If your faith is shared, you can attend church together and live by the same principles.  Statistics show a HUGE decrease in the divorce rate in the US for couples with shared faith.

Now it’s homework time!  Your assignment is to look at the five things and rate yourself from 1-5.  As a couple, then pick one thing to work on and improve.  You won’t regret any time you put into improving your relationship.  Give it a try!

 

Listener Question of the Week:  My future spouse does not like my friends.  What do I need to do about it?

Jul 23, 2015

Welcome to another show about SEX!  Last week’s show dealt with thoughts and attitudes stemming from the past; this week’s focus is on the future.  Yes, this is another difficult conversation to have, and it requires openness and transparency.  Learning to talk about sex with your spouse in a direct and positive manner is crucial for your relationship!

Here is the question:  What are your thoughts and desires for sex in your marriage, and what hesitations and reservations about sex do you have?

Consider the following in your discussion:

  • Both partners have different backgrounds and experiences.  (We discussed this aspect on last week’s show.)
  • Sex is an instinctual, biological act, but one that symbolizes love and commitment.
  • Sex is good for your physical and emotional health.
  • Learn to speak your partner’s language regarding sex.
  • Having this discussion requires humility and an “I don’t know it all” attitude.
  • Sex is a gift to be enjoyed in marriage.

“Women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved.”

So, what can you expect to gain from this conversation?  You can expect open communication, great sex, and a deep emotional and physical relationship. Aren’t those things we all desire within our marriages?  Join us for the conversation!

 

Listener Question of the Week:  How do you bring up a difficult question and make it a productive conversation?

 

Jul 16, 2015

Welcome to the show!  Our topic for the last two weeks has been MONEY; now we are moving on to a new topic---SEX.  Do we have your attention?  Join us for the conversation!

We urge you to HAVE the difficult conversation to improve your relationship.  We all know that sex and intimacy are huge issues in marriage, and that culture and past experiences are monumental in determining our attitudes about this topic.

Here’s the question to spark your conversation:  What beliefs and events from your past have most influenced your sexual behaviors and attitudes?

Each partner should write down what they believe and value about sex, then share and discuss.  If you take the time to get to the heart of what you think and believe, then you will have a full picture of your experience and values about sex and intimacy.  Your relationship will improve and you won’t regret the time invested in the discussion.  Join us for more!

 

Listener Question of the Week: How much should I disclose about previous relationships with my future spouse?

Jul 9, 2015

Hey, Gang!  Welcome to Part 2 of our MONEY episode.  In last week’s show, we discussed the “How To’s” of money management in marriage; think of it as the logical aspect of money.  This week, we are discussing the beliefs and values you have about money; this is the harder conversation to have because it’s more about the emotional connection we have to money.

Use the following questions with your spouse to direct your conversation about money:

  • How would you finish the statement, “Money is . . .”?
  • What does having enough money mean to you?
  • What would you do with an abundance of money?
  • What does money represent to you (emotionally)?  Is it status, success, security, power, etc.?
  • How did you view money as you grew up?

 

Listener Question of the Week:  I work hard for my money, and I do not want my fiance to tell me how to spend it.  How do I handle this problem?

 

Fun Question of the Week:  What gifts do you like to receive from me?

 

 

Jul 2, 2015

Welcome to another episode!  Our topic today is a tough one that MUST be addressed early on in a marriage (and even before marriage)-----MONEY!  Today’s episode will be Part 1 about the “How To’s” of confronting this issue.  Part 2 will focus more on Beliefs/Attitudes about money and spending.

Your assignment is to LIST THREE GOALS RELATED TO HOW YOU WILL MANAGE MONEY THAT SHOULD BE COMMUNICATED BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED.

There are two main issues to consider:

  • LOGISTICS—Ask and discussHow will we manage money?  Who will pay the bills?  Will we have joint accounts, investments, savings, etc?
  • BUDGET---This is a written plan for your money and basically a division of assets and liabilities.  An easy way to begin is to write down for one month where every dollar goes.  Saving each receipt is another way to track spending.

Make the following questions part of your conversation:

  • What are your skills/knowledge concerning money?
  • What gaps are identified in your experience with managing money?
  • What are your goals for spending money as you move forward?
  • What do YOU need to improve upon in managing money?

Identifying strengths and weaknesses in regards to financial resources can help us look at strengths and weaknesses in other areas as well.  This area of money can cause tremendous stress, so have the conversation NOW to prevent more problems LATER!  Thanks for joining us today!

LISTENER QUESTION OF THE WEEK:  We both are not good at handling money, and we need to make some drastic changes to the way we spend money.  What is the best way to NOT live paycheck to paycheck?

 

FUN QUESTION OF THE WEEK:  What is your favorite store?

Jun 25, 2015
Welcome! Our topic today is
COMMUNICATION
. We all know that communication skills are
critical for a successful marriage, but these skill
s spill over into ALL areas of life.
Consider the following questions about communicatio
n:
Am I willing to be open, transparent, and vulnerablWelcome!  Our topic today is COMMUNICATION.  We all know that communication skills are critical for a successful marriage, but these skills spill over into ALL areas of life.  

Consider the following questions about communication:

  • Am I willing to be open, transparent, and vulnerable?
  • Am I willing to negotiate?
  • As a speaker, can I clearly ARTICULATE my point of view?
  • As a listener, can I FOCUS on what the other person is saying and give feedback to him/her?

Your assignment this week is to rate yourself and your spouse (gently!) from 1-10 on communication skills, both as a speaker and a listener.  Self-assessment is the way to identify your limitations and find a path to improvement!

Remember, COMMUNICATION IS A VITAL ISSUE THAT CAN BE THE #1 SOURCE OF PROBLEMS IN A MARRIAGE!  Join us for this important conversation!

LQOW:  Why does SHE want to know everything I’m thinking?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is your favorite quote?

e?
Am I willing to negotiate?
As a speaker, can I clearly ARTICULATE my point of
view?
As a listener, can I FOCUS on what the other person
is saying and give feedback
to him/her?
Your assignment this week is to rate yourself and y
our spouse (gently!) from 1-10 on
communication skills, both as a speaker and a liste
ner. Self-assessment is the way to identify
your limitations and find a path to improvement!
Remember,
COMMUNICATION IS A VITAL ISSUE THAT CAN BE THE #1 S
OURCE OF PROBLEMS
IN A MARRIAGE! Join us for this important conversa
tion!
LQOW: Why does SHE want to know everything I’m thin
king?
Fun Question of the Week: What is your favorite quo
te?
Jun 18, 2015

In this episode of Your Marriage Matters, Jim and Christie discuss family size.  It's an important discussion to have before you get married, so you can understand your spouse's expectations.

In the end, it's a big decision to make and how many children you have can affect every area of your life.  Jim and Christie discuss all the aspects in this episode!

Jun 11, 2015

Welcome to YOUR MARRIAGE MATTERS!  Our topic today is one that must be explored in every marriage; it’s the idea of CONFLICT RESOLUTION.  This topic cannot be dealt with merely on the surface level, but requires a deeper look at the issues and root causes.

What are the three biggest sources of conflict in your relationship?

To answer the question, ask yourself the following questions to begin the thought process:

  • What are the triggers (the “hot-button” topics) for conflict?
  • What is at the heart of the conflict?
  • What causes the conflict?
  • Are the issues related to priorities or people?
  • What is in the best interest of the marriage?

Your assignment is to write down the three sources of conflict and irritation you have identified and have your spouse do the same independently.  Then, compare what you have each written.

  Are you on the same page?  Often, couples experience CONFLICT in agreeing on what the sources of CONFLICT really are!  You must do the HARD WORK involved in resolving conflict, and the conflict cannot be resolved until it’s identified.  We each must be willing to look inside ourselves and be willing to change the only person I can change—ME!

Listener Question of the Week: 

 How do I bring up a difficult question and make it a productive conversation?

Fun Question of the Week:

 

What is your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?

 

Jun 4, 2015

Welcome to the YOUR MARRIAGE MATTERS podcast!  We have been teaching a class at church, and our question today comes out of that class.

What are three things that make you feel intentionally loved?

We want you to start this discussion with your spouse.  Write your ideas down and talk them over together.  You will see what the other person needs to feel loved.  Sometimes it may be the seemingly smallest gesture that means a big deal to your partner!  Remember that not all love is communicated through words.  This discussion will help you focus on what is important in the marriage and how your marriage can keep thriving throughout the years!

Sometimes one spouse may feel unlovable—like they don’t deserve love because of their past failures or insecurities.  This feeling can be a big barrier, and, of course, its sources need to be identified and addressed.  For our marriage to thrive, we each have to be good at GIVING and RECEIVING love!

Listener Question of the Week:  Are words ALWAYS the best form of communication?

 

Fun Question of the Week:  Other than immediate family, who has had a big impact on your life?

May 28, 2015

Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast #019 from the book, “101 Conversations Every Couple should have before they Marry.” This podcast explores how you will individually and together approach decisions related to religion and spiritual matters.

 

Conversations of the Week - What do you think is the biggest threats you bring to your marriage, and what are you willing to do about it?

 

This question takes the topic from last week about the threats to your marriage, and it makes it personal.  

 

Why is it important?

 

This gives you an opportunity to identify your SWOTs.  What are your Strengths, Weaknesses Opportunities and Threats?Once you know what they are you can deal with them.

 

It also creates a heightened sense of self awareness.  This allows you to focus only on your SWOTS.

 

What do we need to consider when we have this conversation?

  • We bring things to the marriage that are good and bad
  • We can’t fix what we won’t acknowledge
  • We gain confidence in our marriage.  
  • Your marriage that “the team” is going to face these challenges  head up! 
  • We all need grace for the things we struggle with.  We can ask each other for assistance.
  • The intentionality of dealing with something you know you struggle with is important.

The willingness to be vulnerable with your threats also creates a greater sense of intimacy.  Being a safe person for your partner to share their weaknesses will create deeper bonds.  

 

Once you make this investment in each other and look at the threats, you really build a deeper commitment to your relationship.  

 

Listener Question of the Week - Why can’t he just let me vent?

Sometimes we bring up conversations just to be heard.  We don’t want it to be fixed, and we don’t expect anything to be done about it.  The process of verbalizing the issue is therapeutic in itself.  

 

When venting starts, a guys should ask “do you want me to fix it or do you want to vent?”.  Once the answer is “just vent”, turn your “fix it” button off and just listen and be supportive.  

 

Determining whether you are there to fix it or just to listen and support will save both of you frustration.  

 

Fun Question of the Week - What’s your favorite part of Summer?

 

Christie likes the outdoor activities in the sun.

 

Jim loves the July 4th holiday and all the activities that go along with it.

 

 

We hope this is a great conversation and you spend the time to really understand your partner’s beliefs and attitudes.

 

Have a great week gang!

 

Jim & Christie

May 21, 2015

Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast with Jim & Christie Jacobus! Except it is Jim flying solo this week because Christie is sick and while her raspy voice is sexy as heck around the house we don’t think it will sound very good on the podcast! 

Our Conversation of the Week for this episode is– What do you think are the three biggest threats to the two of you having an extraordinary marriage? And why? What can you do now to keep the threats from becoming a reality?

  • What a great conversation this one is! We love it because;
  • It is part of a SWOT analysis!
  • It will cause us to think about and become aware of the things each of us think might be a threat to our marriage down the road.
  • ·         We can create some plans to be proactive about how to prevent the threat from becoming a reality!
  • ·      It gives us an opportunity to give a voice to some of the fears we might have going into marriage!

Some of the most common threats we see that you might check in on would be;

 

  • ·      Inability to effectively communicate
  • ·      Inability to effectively resolve conflict
  • ·      A poor picture from the start of what a healthy marriage looks like
  • ·      Immaturity
  • ·      Coming into the marriage with past wounds and hurts that haven’t been resolved

So, take about 30 minutes this week gang and individually list out the three threats you feel might threaten your having a vibrant, healthy marriage that will last a lifetime!

Our Listener Question of the Week – Jim … my fiancé wants me to get all involved in the A to Z  of planning the wedding. I would prefer to just show up at the appointed time and let her have the wedding she wants. What do you think?

Fun question of the week – what is the biggest trick or surprise you have pulled on each other?

Have a great week gang!

Jim & Christie Jacobus

May 14, 2015

  Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast #017 from the book, “101 Conversations Every Couple should have before they Marry.” This podcast explores how you will individually and together approach decisions related to religion and spiritual matters.

Conversation of the week Do you see yourselves, as a couple, attending some form of church or worship? If so, where do you see yourselves going? 

This is an important conversation because it addresses core values and beliefs but also can be very difficult to discuss if there is a great difference in what is important.  For some people this decision concerning church attendance can be a “ deal breaker”

Several things to consider:

  • Remain respectful to your differences
  • Understand the importance of spiritual health
  • Explore what feeds your soul—the beauty of nature, music, feelings of love and connection

The topic of religion can be very difficult especially if there are significant differences in your beliefs.  Be willing to ask for what you want or need because it is foundational to discussions about a multitude of topics.  This subject is crucial to the long term health of your relationship and starting on the same page is also gained in this conversation. 

Listener Question of the Week–my fiancé is very controlling and it is getting a little scary. My hope is this is going to go away after we marry and they see I am in this for the long haul. Is that reasonable for me to expect?

Fun Question of the Week  What is the one thing you are really proud of and why?

We hope this is a great conversation and you spend the time to really understand your partner’s beliefs and attitudes.

Have a great week gang!

Jim & Christie

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